Do you ever wonder why the hell God made you the way that you are? I just hope He's got some really big, really great plan up His sleeve for me... Cos, at this point, I'm not seeing any sort of light at the end of the tunnel...
Best friends for life? Yeah. I've got one or two of those. The question I'm wanting answered is when am I ever going to find someone who'll say he'll love me for the rest of my life? Fuck. When am I ever going to find someone who will say that he's going to love me for the rest of that week?
I am real. I refuse to be fake. Must I be fake to find someone to like "me"? How many things about myself am I going to have to change?
Waiting... I'm good at that. I wait. And I wait. And I wait. And for what? A hug and goodbye. When can I stop waiting? When will the goodbyes be unnecessary?
How many more people will look at me with those sharp stares before I finally break? How many more careless words, lacking any sort of gentleness, can I withstand before I proclaim it The End? How many more gashes in my fragile heart before it finally splits in two and pains me no longer? How many more sad sentences will I form before I find something beautiful to write about? What is more beautiful than heartache?
If you think me fake, you don't deserve to have a brain. If you think I'm pathetic, you're on the right track. If you consider me crazy, be kind and see if that changes. If you want to love me, I'm not sure how much heart I have left to give in return, but I know that I will love you with all that remains...
March 29, 2005
March 28, 2005
March 27, 2005
Dance In The Rain
Tonight...
1. was a good night.
2. was a bad night.
3. I was forced to be around people I loathe.
4. I was pleasant around the people I loathe.
5. I danced ballroom style with my boy.
6. I swallowed my pride.
7. it rained.
8. I realized something about myself.
9. I told the truth, even when it might've been better to just keep it to myself.
10. I fell into two warm eyes and a sweet smile.
11. a sad face injured my heart.
12. he told me he loved me three times.
1. was a good night.
2. was a bad night.
3. I was forced to be around people I loathe.
4. I was pleasant around the people I loathe.
5. I danced ballroom style with my boy.
6. I swallowed my pride.
7. it rained.
8. I realized something about myself.
9. I told the truth, even when it might've been better to just keep it to myself.
10. I fell into two warm eyes and a sweet smile.
11. a sad face injured my heart.
12. he told me he loved me three times.
March 25, 2005
Don't Look Back
My theme song for... Well... A long time.
You keep insisting you're the one to blame.
But why are you the only one in pain?
They ask for so much more
Than they deserve credit for.
Who needs them?
What's in a name, anyway?
If you leave them behind you,
I won't let them find you.
If you choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
I know they'll make you out to be the fool.
But you'll grin and bear it.
You'll play it cool,
Because you're so cool.
Degraded, berated...
They're so sadly mistaken.
When they call it love, well, I'll call their bluff.
Just let me remind you,
That I'll be behind you.
If you choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
You've got to move on, move on,
Move on for what you want.
Move on.
You've got to choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
You keep insisting you're the one to blame.
But why are you the only one in pain?
They ask for so much more
Than they deserve credit for.
Who needs them?
What's in a name, anyway?
If you leave them behind you,
I won't let them find you.
If you choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
I know they'll make you out to be the fool.
But you'll grin and bear it.
You'll play it cool,
Because you're so cool.
Degraded, berated...
They're so sadly mistaken.
When they call it love, well, I'll call their bluff.
Just let me remind you,
That I'll be behind you.
If you choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
You've got to move on, move on,
Move on for what you want.
Move on.
You've got to choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
March 17, 2005
Starry Configurations
Starry configurations... I'm just a receiver
Divine recombinations... I'm just a recordist
Receptionist - unhappy medium
Receptionist - unhappy medium
Excellent accommodations... I'm just a bellboy
Beautiful surroundings... I'm just some gravel
Or peat moss, what have you?
Or peat moss, what have you now?
Why must you treat me like you do?
Don't you know it's all for you?
Dear infatuation, you do not see me
Die here beside you in see-through obscurity
Governess, fancy less, we'll sound the alarm
And drum up some simpleton for you
To eat these apples from your eyes
Emptiness fills room
Your love's bud goes full bloom
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me
Why am I waiting for you to see I'm alive?
Storybook ending... I'm just a ledger
Hardly worth a mention or the paper
It's written on and cried upon
And kissed once by wax
But still you treat me like you do
With everything I've done for you
Striking like a bird of prey along your notepad now
The only year that turns your way
My dear diary: it's just you and me tonight
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me tonight
Why am I waiting for you to see I'm alive?
Divine recombinations... I'm just a recordist
Receptionist - unhappy medium
Receptionist - unhappy medium
Excellent accommodations... I'm just a bellboy
Beautiful surroundings... I'm just some gravel
Or peat moss, what have you?
Or peat moss, what have you now?
Why must you treat me like you do?
Don't you know it's all for you?
Dear infatuation, you do not see me
Die here beside you in see-through obscurity
Governess, fancy less, we'll sound the alarm
And drum up some simpleton for you
To eat these apples from your eyes
Emptiness fills room
Your love's bud goes full bloom
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me
Why am I waiting for you to see I'm alive?
Storybook ending... I'm just a ledger
Hardly worth a mention or the paper
It's written on and cried upon
And kissed once by wax
But still you treat me like you do
With everything I've done for you
Striking like a bird of prey along your notepad now
The only year that turns your way
My dear diary: it's just you and me tonight
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me tonight
Why am I waiting for you to see I'm alive?
March 11, 2005
On A Big, Black Block
To sit in solemn silence
On a dull, dark dock
In a pestilencial prison
With a lifelong lock
Awaiting the sensation
Of a cheap and chippy chopper
On a big, black block
On a big, black block
On a dull, dark dock
In a pestilencial prison
With a lifelong lock
Awaiting the sensation
Of a cheap and chippy chopper
On a big, black block
On a big, black block
March 07, 2005
A Bed Of Ultraviolet Rays
An update for the sake of updating...
For those of you who don't know me personally, I wear about a million and one little bracelets. Constantly. Rubber, plastic, yarn, ribbon, paper... So many different kinds in all sorts of colors and sizes. Today, for the first time since December of 2003, I took them all off. (Except for one, which is braided together with embroidery thread.) The reason being... I didn't want them all to melt together onto my wrists. Now, why would this be a problem, you ask? I'll tell you.
Today, I started tanning. Since I am going to prom with Chris, his mom is spoiling me rotten and is trying to tweak my style. One of the less attractive things about me, I suppose, was my extreme paleness. Now, some people find pale skin attractive... But there are very few people HERE, on the beach, who like it. She bought me a month of tanning.
So. I had to take off my bracelets. Now, my wristae look terribly pale and weak and fragile. I had forgotten that they are so thin. They look as though you'd be able to snap them in two with little to no effort. Not really in a disgusting, sickly way... More in a petite, feminine way.
Yeah.
I'm really working hard, man. I'm going to be even more gorgeous than I am right now when this is all over. ;)
For those of you who don't know me personally, I wear about a million and one little bracelets. Constantly. Rubber, plastic, yarn, ribbon, paper... So many different kinds in all sorts of colors and sizes. Today, for the first time since December of 2003, I took them all off. (Except for one, which is braided together with embroidery thread.) The reason being... I didn't want them all to melt together onto my wrists. Now, why would this be a problem, you ask? I'll tell you.
Today, I started tanning. Since I am going to prom with Chris, his mom is spoiling me rotten and is trying to tweak my style. One of the less attractive things about me, I suppose, was my extreme paleness. Now, some people find pale skin attractive... But there are very few people HERE, on the beach, who like it. She bought me a month of tanning.
So. I had to take off my bracelets. Now, my wristae look terribly pale and weak and fragile. I had forgotten that they are so thin. They look as though you'd be able to snap them in two with little to no effort. Not really in a disgusting, sickly way... More in a petite, feminine way.
Yeah.
I'm really working hard, man. I'm going to be even more gorgeous than I am right now when this is all over. ;)
March 06, 2005
Fresh Berries For You
The world's overrun with new shades of green,
And the dandelions come up like recurring dreams.
And the swallows give up their fragile little songs
In the new world.
And I know you're only watching out for yourself,
And I know I'm not to take it real personal-like.
And I know you only want what's best for everybody.
I know you only want what's best for everybody.
But you better be nice, or the Easter Bunny's
Gonna strike your name out of the
Little red book with the silver hinges on it
That he carries.
They've implemented a new system on the
Exhaust lines of the buses,
And now the air is fresh and sweet and clean when they pass by.
And the bright sun shines down on our fair city,
And young cats play on people's front lawns.
And the time is coming.
And the time is coming.
And I can feel the time coming.
And I know that you can feel the time coming, yourself.
And the Easter Bunny's coming,
And God knows I'd hate for you to miss it.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And the dandelions come up like recurring dreams.
And the swallows give up their fragile little songs
In the new world.
And I know you're only watching out for yourself,
And I know I'm not to take it real personal-like.
And I know you only want what's best for everybody.
I know you only want what's best for everybody.
But you better be nice, or the Easter Bunny's
Gonna strike your name out of the
Little red book with the silver hinges on it
That he carries.
They've implemented a new system on the
Exhaust lines of the buses,
And now the air is fresh and sweet and clean when they pass by.
And the bright sun shines down on our fair city,
And young cats play on people's front lawns.
And the time is coming.
And the time is coming.
And I can feel the time coming.
And I know that you can feel the time coming, yourself.
And the Easter Bunny's coming,
And God knows I'd hate for you to miss it.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
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