So this is the new year
And I don't feel any different
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance
So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self-assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions
So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogues bleed into one
I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then I could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that can hold us back.
December 31, 2005
October 13, 2005
Blah
Just decided to change things up a bit... No real reason. I think most people have forgotten about The Imploding Voice. Oh well. No real loss.
I think it's time to go home now.
Thank you. Goodnight.
I think it's time to go home now.
Thank you. Goodnight.
September 30, 2005
August 03, 2005
Cigarettes And Scuppernong
Polygamy is practiced by approximately 50,000 people in Utah. It's a class three felony.
Several people interviewed stated their distaste for polygamy, but believed that it is what God wants them to do. Everyone asked stated that having more than one wife, or living with a husband who has more than one wife, is extremely trying and not nearly as enjoyable as most people would expect.
The average number of children of the women interviewed was 7.5. The opinions of the children living in a polygamous household varied. Some were sexually abused during their childhood, others believed that it was a beneficial lifestyle and intend to practice polygamy themselves.
The main religious affiliation was not Mormon as would be expected. Rather, it was TLC, the True and Living Church, which is said to have extreme tendencies toward that of your average cult.
I have been watching A&E and The History Channel quite a bit lately. Work has been slow, and we have satellite and a 50" tv, so it helps pass the time. Shifts that last eight hours and show you less than six customers is greatly improved when you can watch five hours about Hitler's women, Stalin: The Man of Steel, or Inside Polygamy.
I also watched Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead this evening. Not nearly as interesting, I must say, but it was alright.
Shrimp scampi should be happening sometime this evening. Just waiting on Michael to call...
Several people interviewed stated their distaste for polygamy, but believed that it is what God wants them to do. Everyone asked stated that having more than one wife, or living with a husband who has more than one wife, is extremely trying and not nearly as enjoyable as most people would expect.
The average number of children of the women interviewed was 7.5. The opinions of the children living in a polygamous household varied. Some were sexually abused during their childhood, others believed that it was a beneficial lifestyle and intend to practice polygamy themselves.
The main religious affiliation was not Mormon as would be expected. Rather, it was TLC, the True and Living Church, which is said to have extreme tendencies toward that of your average cult.
I have been watching A&E and The History Channel quite a bit lately. Work has been slow, and we have satellite and a 50" tv, so it helps pass the time. Shifts that last eight hours and show you less than six customers is greatly improved when you can watch five hours about Hitler's women, Stalin: The Man of Steel, or Inside Polygamy.
I also watched Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead this evening. Not nearly as interesting, I must say, but it was alright.
Shrimp scampi should be happening sometime this evening. Just waiting on Michael to call...
July 02, 2005
<3
So, I know I've mentioned some slight intimacy/commitment issues before... I'm working on getting over them. Which is good, seeing as I am actually dating someone now.
This guy is amazing. He adores me. He's the sweetest young man that I know. The only problems I'm seeing so far involve him liking me maybe too much too soon. How often does this happen? Ha.
Right now, I'm doing my best to not get scared away by the fact that I have someone worth liking who really likes me back. It's difficult. I don't know why. Maybe because of all of the shit I've gone through with these stupid boys? That seems like a good explanation.
I am kind of scared, though. I really don't want to end up flaking out and hurting him. At all. I respect and like him too much for that. He's too good for that.
Since the night we started hanging out, not a day has gone by when we haven't spent some amount of time together. That is kind of odd for me. I'm good about being around the same person everyday, but there are usually at least small breaks... We got back to Jacksonville around 7:30am on Thursday, then he left directly for Winston-Salem, and just got back tonight. I met him at the Waffle Shoppe tonight. So... There was about a day's worth of a break there. It was good to just sit around and get some stuff done, but I will admit that I did miss him.
He brought me back a long-stemmed, red rose, an adorable hat, and a Norma Jean poster signed by the whole band. How sweet is that?
Today, I was walking through Belk when I saw the cologne he wears. Happy for men. I sprayed some on a card... It just didn't smell like him... But, then, I held it in the hand that had a touch of cigarette smoke on it, and BAM! Mike's smell. Right there. It made me smile.
When we cuddle and watch movies, it's the greatest feeling.
I am happy.
I hope things continue to go well.
This guy is amazing. He adores me. He's the sweetest young man that I know. The only problems I'm seeing so far involve him liking me maybe too much too soon. How often does this happen? Ha.
Right now, I'm doing my best to not get scared away by the fact that I have someone worth liking who really likes me back. It's difficult. I don't know why. Maybe because of all of the shit I've gone through with these stupid boys? That seems like a good explanation.
I am kind of scared, though. I really don't want to end up flaking out and hurting him. At all. I respect and like him too much for that. He's too good for that.
Since the night we started hanging out, not a day has gone by when we haven't spent some amount of time together. That is kind of odd for me. I'm good about being around the same person everyday, but there are usually at least small breaks... We got back to Jacksonville around 7:30am on Thursday, then he left directly for Winston-Salem, and just got back tonight. I met him at the Waffle Shoppe tonight. So... There was about a day's worth of a break there. It was good to just sit around and get some stuff done, but I will admit that I did miss him.
He brought me back a long-stemmed, red rose, an adorable hat, and a Norma Jean poster signed by the whole band. How sweet is that?
Today, I was walking through Belk when I saw the cologne he wears. Happy for men. I sprayed some on a card... It just didn't smell like him... But, then, I held it in the hand that had a touch of cigarette smoke on it, and BAM! Mike's smell. Right there. It made me smile.
When we cuddle and watch movies, it's the greatest feeling.
I am happy.
I hope things continue to go well.
June 07, 2005
A Sphincter Says What?
Yeah. So. Life has been rather... Interesting. Happy, and yet confusing. I kind of like it this way. The confusing part needs to get over with sooner rather than later, though.
Sorry I haven't been updating. Haven't been in the mood. Or had the time.
But... Speaking of the time... I need to go to sleep. More later, perhaps.
Sorry I haven't been updating. Haven't been in the mood. Or had the time.
But... Speaking of the time... I need to go to sleep. More later, perhaps.
May 08, 2005
In the words of Snoopy, "Blech."
I haven't updated in a while. Sorry. Um... Yeah. Things have been weird. Up and down. A whole hell of a lot of downs, but, at the same time, a lot of that pain has been accompanied by independence, which I crave. In the end, I'm still alive, so things can't possibly have been that bad, eh? Eh.
No. I'm being... Positive. Things have been pretty horrible. I cried myself to sleep last night, and there was no one to comfort me. I'm on my own financially. I have one young man to whom I can turn, and I can't be sure how many more turns I'm going to be able to make in his direction. I'm a little scared of the future. For the first time ever.
Hm. I really don't have a lot to say. I've been updating [Heartache And Arsenic] more than this, but mostly just with songs, so check that out if you'd like.
For now, goodbye.
No. I'm being... Positive. Things have been pretty horrible. I cried myself to sleep last night, and there was no one to comfort me. I'm on my own financially. I have one young man to whom I can turn, and I can't be sure how many more turns I'm going to be able to make in his direction. I'm a little scared of the future. For the first time ever.
Hm. I really don't have a lot to say. I've been updating [Heartache And Arsenic] more than this, but mostly just with songs, so check that out if you'd like.
For now, goodbye.
April 17, 2005
No Children
I hope that our few remaining friends
give up on trying to save us.
I hope we come out with a fail-safe plot
to piss off the dumb few that forgave us.
I hope the fences we mended
fall down beneath their own weight.
And I hope we hang on past the last exit,
I hope it's already too late.
And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
someday burns down.
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away,
and I never come back to this town again.
In my life, I hope I lie,
and tell everyone you were a good wife.
And I hope you die,
I hope we both die.
I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow;
I hope it bleeds all day long.
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises;
we're pretty sure they're all wrong.
I hope it stays dark forever,
I hope the worst isn't over.
And I hope you blink before I do,
and I hope I never get sober.
And I hope when you think of me years down the line,
you can't find one good thing to say.
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out,
you'd stay the hell out of my way.
I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me,
hand in unlovable hand.
And I hope you die,
I hope we both die.
give up on trying to save us.
I hope we come out with a fail-safe plot
to piss off the dumb few that forgave us.
I hope the fences we mended
fall down beneath their own weight.
And I hope we hang on past the last exit,
I hope it's already too late.
And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
someday burns down.
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away,
and I never come back to this town again.
In my life, I hope I lie,
and tell everyone you were a good wife.
And I hope you die,
I hope we both die.
I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow;
I hope it bleeds all day long.
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises;
we're pretty sure they're all wrong.
I hope it stays dark forever,
I hope the worst isn't over.
And I hope you blink before I do,
and I hope I never get sober.
And I hope when you think of me years down the line,
you can't find one good thing to say.
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out,
you'd stay the hell out of my way.
I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me,
hand in unlovable hand.
And I hope you die,
I hope we both die.
April 01, 2005
Yesterday, Today, Tonight, and Tomorrow
I just want to make a new entry here so that that old one moves down a notch.
Today, a nap on the beach with Chris & co. turned out to be a beautiful thing. We were nearly stormed upon, and someone apparently used some sort of witchcraft to cast a spell on us, but, other than that, things went very well.
I can be so cute. You have no idea.
Tomorrow, I am doing nothing whilst both Myriah and Chris work. Hoorah. :(
Cuddling is one of the greatest things in my world.
I was thinking... Um... Yesterday... About what I want to get out of my future. I know I definitely want to live outside of the US for a long time... And in a nice, big city like NYC, Seattle, or Chicago... But, I think I also want to write a book someday. Just for the hell of it. Probably not a novel. I don't know.
I want an apartment. Soon. Or a house of my own would be great, too... I found out one thing tonight. I am going to paint my breakfast room of sorts (and/or foyer and/or bathroom) the color of Tony Montana's mom's living room. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty tired, I guess, so I should probably be going to bed in a moment or two.
Today, a nap on the beach with Chris & co. turned out to be a beautiful thing. We were nearly stormed upon, and someone apparently used some sort of witchcraft to cast a spell on us, but, other than that, things went very well.
I can be so cute. You have no idea.
Tomorrow, I am doing nothing whilst both Myriah and Chris work. Hoorah. :(
Cuddling is one of the greatest things in my world.
I was thinking... Um... Yesterday... About what I want to get out of my future. I know I definitely want to live outside of the US for a long time... And in a nice, big city like NYC, Seattle, or Chicago... But, I think I also want to write a book someday. Just for the hell of it. Probably not a novel. I don't know.
I want an apartment. Soon. Or a house of my own would be great, too... I found out one thing tonight. I am going to paint my breakfast room of sorts (and/or foyer and/or bathroom) the color of Tony Montana's mom's living room. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty tired, I guess, so I should probably be going to bed in a moment or two.
March 29, 2005
Heart+Brick Wall=
Do you ever wonder why the hell God made you the way that you are? I just hope He's got some really big, really great plan up His sleeve for me... Cos, at this point, I'm not seeing any sort of light at the end of the tunnel...
Best friends for life? Yeah. I've got one or two of those. The question I'm wanting answered is when am I ever going to find someone who'll say he'll love me for the rest of my life? Fuck. When am I ever going to find someone who will say that he's going to love me for the rest of that week?
I am real. I refuse to be fake. Must I be fake to find someone to like "me"? How many things about myself am I going to have to change?
Waiting... I'm good at that. I wait. And I wait. And I wait. And for what? A hug and goodbye. When can I stop waiting? When will the goodbyes be unnecessary?
How many more people will look at me with those sharp stares before I finally break? How many more careless words, lacking any sort of gentleness, can I withstand before I proclaim it The End? How many more gashes in my fragile heart before it finally splits in two and pains me no longer? How many more sad sentences will I form before I find something beautiful to write about? What is more beautiful than heartache?
If you think me fake, you don't deserve to have a brain. If you think I'm pathetic, you're on the right track. If you consider me crazy, be kind and see if that changes. If you want to love me, I'm not sure how much heart I have left to give in return, but I know that I will love you with all that remains...
Best friends for life? Yeah. I've got one or two of those. The question I'm wanting answered is when am I ever going to find someone who'll say he'll love me for the rest of my life? Fuck. When am I ever going to find someone who will say that he's going to love me for the rest of that week?
I am real. I refuse to be fake. Must I be fake to find someone to like "me"? How many things about myself am I going to have to change?
Waiting... I'm good at that. I wait. And I wait. And I wait. And for what? A hug and goodbye. When can I stop waiting? When will the goodbyes be unnecessary?
How many more people will look at me with those sharp stares before I finally break? How many more careless words, lacking any sort of gentleness, can I withstand before I proclaim it The End? How many more gashes in my fragile heart before it finally splits in two and pains me no longer? How many more sad sentences will I form before I find something beautiful to write about? What is more beautiful than heartache?
If you think me fake, you don't deserve to have a brain. If you think I'm pathetic, you're on the right track. If you consider me crazy, be kind and see if that changes. If you want to love me, I'm not sure how much heart I have left to give in return, but I know that I will love you with all that remains...
March 28, 2005
March 27, 2005
Dance In The Rain
Tonight...
1. was a good night.
2. was a bad night.
3. I was forced to be around people I loathe.
4. I was pleasant around the people I loathe.
5. I danced ballroom style with my boy.
6. I swallowed my pride.
7. it rained.
8. I realized something about myself.
9. I told the truth, even when it might've been better to just keep it to myself.
10. I fell into two warm eyes and a sweet smile.
11. a sad face injured my heart.
12. he told me he loved me three times.
1. was a good night.
2. was a bad night.
3. I was forced to be around people I loathe.
4. I was pleasant around the people I loathe.
5. I danced ballroom style with my boy.
6. I swallowed my pride.
7. it rained.
8. I realized something about myself.
9. I told the truth, even when it might've been better to just keep it to myself.
10. I fell into two warm eyes and a sweet smile.
11. a sad face injured my heart.
12. he told me he loved me three times.
March 25, 2005
Don't Look Back
My theme song for... Well... A long time.
You keep insisting you're the one to blame.
But why are you the only one in pain?
They ask for so much more
Than they deserve credit for.
Who needs them?
What's in a name, anyway?
If you leave them behind you,
I won't let them find you.
If you choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
I know they'll make you out to be the fool.
But you'll grin and bear it.
You'll play it cool,
Because you're so cool.
Degraded, berated...
They're so sadly mistaken.
When they call it love, well, I'll call their bluff.
Just let me remind you,
That I'll be behind you.
If you choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
You've got to move on, move on,
Move on for what you want.
Move on.
You've got to choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
You keep insisting you're the one to blame.
But why are you the only one in pain?
They ask for so much more
Than they deserve credit for.
Who needs them?
What's in a name, anyway?
If you leave them behind you,
I won't let them find you.
If you choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
I know they'll make you out to be the fool.
But you'll grin and bear it.
You'll play it cool,
Because you're so cool.
Degraded, berated...
They're so sadly mistaken.
When they call it love, well, I'll call their bluff.
Just let me remind you,
That I'll be behind you.
If you choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
You've got to move on, move on,
Move on for what you want.
Move on.
You've got to choose to sever the ties,
Refuse to swallow their lines.
If it's not right for you,
You've got the right to move on.
Move on, move on.
March 17, 2005
Starry Configurations
Starry configurations... I'm just a receiver
Divine recombinations... I'm just a recordist
Receptionist - unhappy medium
Receptionist - unhappy medium
Excellent accommodations... I'm just a bellboy
Beautiful surroundings... I'm just some gravel
Or peat moss, what have you?
Or peat moss, what have you now?
Why must you treat me like you do?
Don't you know it's all for you?
Dear infatuation, you do not see me
Die here beside you in see-through obscurity
Governess, fancy less, we'll sound the alarm
And drum up some simpleton for you
To eat these apples from your eyes
Emptiness fills room
Your love's bud goes full bloom
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me
Why am I waiting for you to see I'm alive?
Storybook ending... I'm just a ledger
Hardly worth a mention or the paper
It's written on and cried upon
And kissed once by wax
But still you treat me like you do
With everything I've done for you
Striking like a bird of prey along your notepad now
The only year that turns your way
My dear diary: it's just you and me tonight
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me tonight
Why am I waiting for you to see I'm alive?
Divine recombinations... I'm just a recordist
Receptionist - unhappy medium
Receptionist - unhappy medium
Excellent accommodations... I'm just a bellboy
Beautiful surroundings... I'm just some gravel
Or peat moss, what have you?
Or peat moss, what have you now?
Why must you treat me like you do?
Don't you know it's all for you?
Dear infatuation, you do not see me
Die here beside you in see-through obscurity
Governess, fancy less, we'll sound the alarm
And drum up some simpleton for you
To eat these apples from your eyes
Emptiness fills room
Your love's bud goes full bloom
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me
Why am I waiting for you to see I'm alive?
Storybook ending... I'm just a ledger
Hardly worth a mention or the paper
It's written on and cried upon
And kissed once by wax
But still you treat me like you do
With everything I've done for you
Striking like a bird of prey along your notepad now
The only year that turns your way
My dear diary: it's just you and me tonight
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me
You don't love me
Aren't thinking of me tonight
Why am I waiting for you to see I'm alive?
March 11, 2005
On A Big, Black Block
To sit in solemn silence
On a dull, dark dock
In a pestilencial prison
With a lifelong lock
Awaiting the sensation
Of a cheap and chippy chopper
On a big, black block
On a big, black block
On a dull, dark dock
In a pestilencial prison
With a lifelong lock
Awaiting the sensation
Of a cheap and chippy chopper
On a big, black block
On a big, black block
March 07, 2005
A Bed Of Ultraviolet Rays
An update for the sake of updating...
For those of you who don't know me personally, I wear about a million and one little bracelets. Constantly. Rubber, plastic, yarn, ribbon, paper... So many different kinds in all sorts of colors and sizes. Today, for the first time since December of 2003, I took them all off. (Except for one, which is braided together with embroidery thread.) The reason being... I didn't want them all to melt together onto my wrists. Now, why would this be a problem, you ask? I'll tell you.
Today, I started tanning. Since I am going to prom with Chris, his mom is spoiling me rotten and is trying to tweak my style. One of the less attractive things about me, I suppose, was my extreme paleness. Now, some people find pale skin attractive... But there are very few people HERE, on the beach, who like it. She bought me a month of tanning.
So. I had to take off my bracelets. Now, my wristae look terribly pale and weak and fragile. I had forgotten that they are so thin. They look as though you'd be able to snap them in two with little to no effort. Not really in a disgusting, sickly way... More in a petite, feminine way.
Yeah.
I'm really working hard, man. I'm going to be even more gorgeous than I am right now when this is all over. ;)
For those of you who don't know me personally, I wear about a million and one little bracelets. Constantly. Rubber, plastic, yarn, ribbon, paper... So many different kinds in all sorts of colors and sizes. Today, for the first time since December of 2003, I took them all off. (Except for one, which is braided together with embroidery thread.) The reason being... I didn't want them all to melt together onto my wrists. Now, why would this be a problem, you ask? I'll tell you.
Today, I started tanning. Since I am going to prom with Chris, his mom is spoiling me rotten and is trying to tweak my style. One of the less attractive things about me, I suppose, was my extreme paleness. Now, some people find pale skin attractive... But there are very few people HERE, on the beach, who like it. She bought me a month of tanning.
So. I had to take off my bracelets. Now, my wristae look terribly pale and weak and fragile. I had forgotten that they are so thin. They look as though you'd be able to snap them in two with little to no effort. Not really in a disgusting, sickly way... More in a petite, feminine way.
Yeah.
I'm really working hard, man. I'm going to be even more gorgeous than I am right now when this is all over. ;)
March 06, 2005
Fresh Berries For You
The world's overrun with new shades of green,
And the dandelions come up like recurring dreams.
And the swallows give up their fragile little songs
In the new world.
And I know you're only watching out for yourself,
And I know I'm not to take it real personal-like.
And I know you only want what's best for everybody.
I know you only want what's best for everybody.
But you better be nice, or the Easter Bunny's
Gonna strike your name out of the
Little red book with the silver hinges on it
That he carries.
They've implemented a new system on the
Exhaust lines of the buses,
And now the air is fresh and sweet and clean when they pass by.
And the bright sun shines down on our fair city,
And young cats play on people's front lawns.
And the time is coming.
And the time is coming.
And I can feel the time coming.
And I know that you can feel the time coming, yourself.
And the Easter Bunny's coming,
And God knows I'd hate for you to miss it.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And the dandelions come up like recurring dreams.
And the swallows give up their fragile little songs
In the new world.
And I know you're only watching out for yourself,
And I know I'm not to take it real personal-like.
And I know you only want what's best for everybody.
I know you only want what's best for everybody.
But you better be nice, or the Easter Bunny's
Gonna strike your name out of the
Little red book with the silver hinges on it
That he carries.
They've implemented a new system on the
Exhaust lines of the buses,
And now the air is fresh and sweet and clean when they pass by.
And the bright sun shines down on our fair city,
And young cats play on people's front lawns.
And the time is coming.
And the time is coming.
And I can feel the time coming.
And I know that you can feel the time coming, yourself.
And the Easter Bunny's coming,
And God knows I'd hate for you to miss it.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
And it's gonna be so nice
When the Easter Bunny comes.
February 27, 2005
Planet, Schmanet, Janet!
Dr. Frank-N-Furter: I'll tell you once
I won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
Your apple pie don't taste too nice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
I've laid the seed, it should be all you need
You're as sensual as a pencil
Wound up like an 'E' or first string
When we made it, did you hear a bell ring?
You got a block, well take my advice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
The Transducer will seduce ya!
Janet Weiss: My feet! I can't move my feet!
Dr. Everett v. Scott: My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels!
Brad Majors: It's as if we're glued to the spot!
Dr. Frank-N-Furter: You are! So quake with fear, you tiny fools!
Janet Weiss: Oh, we're trapped!
Dr. Frank-N-Furter: It's something you'll get used to
A mental mind fuck can be nice!
Dr. Everett v. Scott: You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine
This sonic transducer - it is, I suppose, some kind of
Audio-vibratory, physiomolecular transport device
Brad Majors: You mean...!
Dr. Everett v. Scott: Yes, Brad...
It's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time
But it seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it
A device which is capable of breaking down solid matter and then
Projecting it through space, and who knows, perhaps even time itself
Janet Weiss: You mean, he's gonna send us to another planet?!!!
Dr. Frank-N-Furter: Planet, schmanet, Janet!
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
You'd better wise up
Build your thighs up
You'd better wise up
Janet Weiss: Stop!!!!!!
Dr. Frank-N-Furter: Don't get hot and flustered
Use a bit of mustard!
Brad Majors: You're a hot dog
but you better not try to hurt her, Frank-furter!
Dr. Everett v. Scott: You're a hot dog
but you better not try to hurt her, Frank-furter!
Janet Weiss: You're a hot d--
I won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
Your apple pie don't taste too nice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
I've laid the seed, it should be all you need
You're as sensual as a pencil
Wound up like an 'E' or first string
When we made it, did you hear a bell ring?
You got a block, well take my advice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
The Transducer will seduce ya!
Janet Weiss: My feet! I can't move my feet!
Dr. Everett v. Scott: My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels!
Brad Majors: It's as if we're glued to the spot!
Dr. Frank-N-Furter: You are! So quake with fear, you tiny fools!
Janet Weiss: Oh, we're trapped!
Dr. Frank-N-Furter: It's something you'll get used to
A mental mind fuck can be nice!
Dr. Everett v. Scott: You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine
This sonic transducer - it is, I suppose, some kind of
Audio-vibratory, physiomolecular transport device
Brad Majors: You mean...!
Dr. Everett v. Scott: Yes, Brad...
It's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time
But it seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it
A device which is capable of breaking down solid matter and then
Projecting it through space, and who knows, perhaps even time itself
Janet Weiss: You mean, he's gonna send us to another planet?!!!
Dr. Frank-N-Furter: Planet, schmanet, Janet!
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
You'd better wise up
Build your thighs up
You'd better wise up
Janet Weiss: Stop!!!!!!
Dr. Frank-N-Furter: Don't get hot and flustered
Use a bit of mustard!
Brad Majors: You're a hot dog
but you better not try to hurt her, Frank-furter!
Dr. Everett v. Scott: You're a hot dog
but you better not try to hurt her, Frank-furter!
Janet Weiss: You're a hot d--
February 22, 2005
Repetition: Friend to the Unimaginative
I started work at Beans tonight. So. Now. Two and a half jobs. Hot Topic, Beans, and tutoring. I'm thinking about also applying at Golden Corral and/or T&W Oyster Bar. Apparently, they really, really need a hostess at T&W, and Golden Corral is still hiring and paying about $8/hr.
Amber and I only got $10 in tips each tonight, so it ended up being $4.75/hr. Not so cool. I worked for eight hours. I have to be back at nine tomorrow morning, and then at eight on Wednesday and Thursday mornings.
Cappuccino... Real cappuccino... Is retarded. It's mostly made of nothing but foam. If you want to get a drink with the basic idea of what a low-class cappuccino would be, just get a latte. Really. But, if you like chocolate, get a mocha. It's the same as a latte, but has chocolate in it. Or, if you like caramel better, get a caramel machiatto. It's a latte with caramel flavoring. Both of those two drinks has one shot of espresso per serving, and enough syrup to make it taste sweet.
If you ever want to make a good wrap, put turkey, provolone cheese, vinaigrette, spinach leaves, feta cheese, tomatoes, onions, cucumber, and black olives on a basil and tomato tortilla thing. Best freaking food in the world. Man. I had never bought any food at Beans, but now that I work there, I get one free meal per shift. I had this soup with mainly bell peppers and sausage in it... That sounds rather crappy, but it tastes wonderful. Um, and I had half of that above-mentioned wrap. So good. I wanted more, but the girl I was working with just wanted to split one with me.
If any of you are ever in Eastern North Carolina, you had better get your butt over to Beans and try some of their food and drink. Especially if I'm there to make it for you. If you don't, you're a loser and deserve to spend extra time in pergatory. (Joke?)
Right. Well. I'm kind of in a bad mood. As usual. And my hands smell like bleach. I'm going to go get something else to eat since I am very hungry, and then I'm going to sleep for about 6 hours. I hope.
Amber and I only got $10 in tips each tonight, so it ended up being $4.75/hr. Not so cool. I worked for eight hours. I have to be back at nine tomorrow morning, and then at eight on Wednesday and Thursday mornings.
Cappuccino... Real cappuccino... Is retarded. It's mostly made of nothing but foam. If you want to get a drink with the basic idea of what a low-class cappuccino would be, just get a latte. Really. But, if you like chocolate, get a mocha. It's the same as a latte, but has chocolate in it. Or, if you like caramel better, get a caramel machiatto. It's a latte with caramel flavoring. Both of those two drinks has one shot of espresso per serving, and enough syrup to make it taste sweet.
If you ever want to make a good wrap, put turkey, provolone cheese, vinaigrette, spinach leaves, feta cheese, tomatoes, onions, cucumber, and black olives on a basil and tomato tortilla thing. Best freaking food in the world. Man. I had never bought any food at Beans, but now that I work there, I get one free meal per shift. I had this soup with mainly bell peppers and sausage in it... That sounds rather crappy, but it tastes wonderful. Um, and I had half of that above-mentioned wrap. So good. I wanted more, but the girl I was working with just wanted to split one with me.
If any of you are ever in Eastern North Carolina, you had better get your butt over to Beans and try some of their food and drink. Especially if I'm there to make it for you. If you don't, you're a loser and deserve to spend extra time in pergatory. (Joke?)
Right. Well. I'm kind of in a bad mood. As usual. And my hands smell like bleach. I'm going to go get something else to eat since I am very hungry, and then I'm going to sleep for about 6 hours. I hope.
February 16, 2005
Head Club
Well it's getting colder and you're getting distant
And I just keep thinkin
That I never meant it to be like this (to be like this)
You know what comes next (so do I)
You’re begging for a way to gracefully bow out
And say goodnight
It's worse than you think
On your way home you should have known
You never listen to me
I’m only complaining to keep myself busy, sweetie
I’m only complaining to keep myself busy, sweetie
I can’t say I blame you
But I wish that I could
I’m sick of writing every song about you
Don't call my name out your window, I'm leaving
(I'm sick of writing every song about you)
And I just keep thinkin
That I never meant it to be like this (to be like this)
You know what comes next (so do I)
You’re begging for a way to gracefully bow out
And say goodnight
It's worse than you think
On your way home you should have known
You never listen to me
I’m only complaining to keep myself busy, sweetie
I’m only complaining to keep myself busy, sweetie
I can’t say I blame you
But I wish that I could
I’m sick of writing every song about you
Don't call my name out your window, I'm leaving
(I'm sick of writing every song about you)
February 14, 2005
February 12, 2005
Just Can't Win
I've been listening to Norma Jean today.
"It's like bringing a knife to a gunfight..."
And, um... A knife through the heart would feel better than this. I don't want to go into it, but this evening has sucked. Damnit. I feel as though my heart is being toyed with, and I don't like it a bit.
"It's like bringing a knife to a gunfight..."
And, um... A knife through the heart would feel better than this. I don't want to go into it, but this evening has sucked. Damnit. I feel as though my heart is being toyed with, and I don't like it a bit.
February 07, 2005
Shout Outs
Dude. I wish I actually had friends that I could hang out with to read my blogs and journals and whatnot. I'd totally do that whole "shout out" thing.
I'd be like...
Homie #1:
I love you, babe. Thanks for being so special and adorable all of the time. I don't want to imagine my life without you. YOU ROCK MY WORLD. <333
Homie #2:
Wow. We had some good times this weekend. Those guys sure were hott. And, hun, your dress is so much cooler than mine. Remember, nice guys/girls don't always finish last... You'll find your true love.
Homie #3:
Thanks for the encouragement in school today. It was a rough one, but you lifted my spirits. Hope things work out with you-know-who.
Et cetera.
Yeah... I'm tempted to find a few internet addicts to be my friends just so I can show off my mad blog-shout-out skillz. Oooh. And look at that misplaced z. How cool am I?
Haha. Whatever.
I'd be like...
Homie #1:
I love you, babe. Thanks for being so special and adorable all of the time. I don't want to imagine my life without you. YOU ROCK MY WORLD. <333
Homie #2:
Wow. We had some good times this weekend. Those guys sure were hott. And, hun, your dress is so much cooler than mine. Remember, nice guys/girls don't always finish last... You'll find your true love.
Homie #3:
Thanks for the encouragement in school today. It was a rough one, but you lifted my spirits. Hope things work out with you-know-who.
Et cetera.
Yeah... I'm tempted to find a few internet addicts to be my friends just so I can show off my mad blog-shout-out skillz. Oooh. And look at that misplaced z. How cool am I?
Haha. Whatever.
February 06, 2005
People Are Strange
People are strange when you’re a stranger
Faces look ugly when you’re alone
Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted
Streets are uneven when you’re down
When you’re strange, faces come out of the rain
When you’re strange, no one remembers your name
When you’re strange, when you're strange, when you're strange
-The Doors
Faces look ugly when you’re alone
Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted
Streets are uneven when you’re down
When you’re strange, faces come out of the rain
When you’re strange, no one remembers your name
When you’re strange, when you're strange, when you're strange
-The Doors
January 31, 2005
I Will Make You A Man
In less than six months, I am supposed to learn how to be able to fend for myself and, essentially, become a self-sufficient adult. SCARY.
I just found out tonight that my parents are not planning to help with my college tuition. I was under the impression that they were. Huh. Guess things aren't going to be quite as nice as I thought... I was prepared to have to pay for room and board, but not tuition as well. Good thing I'm cool with only a full-time community college education for the next couple of years...
At least they'll be paying for my insurance... I think...?
Tonight, we storm.
I'm looking for a good state somewhere near Colorado... Or maybe in Colorado. Any suggestions? I need to find a good community college near a large town... Low cost of living would be AWESOME. Um... The deal is that we need a community college in the same state as a good law school. And we're going to need an apartment in the same state as that community college. Heh. And I know that I'm not going to have a ton of money to pay for college and an apartment...
I realized something tonight. When I'm scared or anxious about something, I try to organize it to death. Fun, huh?
Right. Well. I'm posting this exact same thing in my other blog. I NEED IDEAS.
Exes and oh, oh, ohs...
I just found out tonight that my parents are not planning to help with my college tuition. I was under the impression that they were. Huh. Guess things aren't going to be quite as nice as I thought... I was prepared to have to pay for room and board, but not tuition as well. Good thing I'm cool with only a full-time community college education for the next couple of years...
At least they'll be paying for my insurance... I think...?
Tonight, we storm.
I'm looking for a good state somewhere near Colorado... Or maybe in Colorado. Any suggestions? I need to find a good community college near a large town... Low cost of living would be AWESOME. Um... The deal is that we need a community college in the same state as a good law school. And we're going to need an apartment in the same state as that community college. Heh. And I know that I'm not going to have a ton of money to pay for college and an apartment...
I realized something tonight. When I'm scared or anxious about something, I try to organize it to death. Fun, huh?
Right. Well. I'm posting this exact same thing in my other blog. I NEED IDEAS.
Exes and oh, oh, ohs...
January 30, 2005
January 27, 2005
Button, Button... Who's Got The Button?
You
1. How are you feeling today?
Hm. Normal, for me. Kind of nostalgic, lovesick, anxious, curious, thoughtful, wistful, pensive, and hurt. Rejection sucks hardcore. I am, in the words of Viktor Navorski, "Unacceptable!" Someone will find me someday.
2. What are you wearing at the moment?
At the moment, I am wearing blue underwear, a crimson bra, an aquamarine, fitted tshirt, some baggyish, light blue, denim jeans, and Lilu perfume. This shirt makes my eyes go crazy. I love it.
3. Where do you live?
I live in a tiny little town in Eastern North Carolina. This fall, I should be going off to college someplace, so who knows? Maybe I'll make it as far as Paris. Maybe I won't make it past Wilmington. I don't know.
4. How old are you?
I am currently seventeen. But only for about another month. I'll finally be a legal adult on March 5th.
5. Do you frequent message boards? Which ones?
Not a lot. Just [CGR], mainly.
6. If you keep a diary, do you keep a "real" one too?
This is the closest thing to a diary that I have.
7. Name? Username(s)? Sex?
My name: Morgan. Usernames: Maux or pulseczar, usually. Sex: Marry me.
8. Favourite memory?
Hm. I'm going to write a few little reminders of happy memories here... If you have known me for a long time, you might catch a few. If not... I'm sorry.
Hugging Robbie when I gave him his tshirt back. Having "The Mystery Goth Boy/Man" stop his car in front of mine, wave, and give me a huge smile. Taking pictures of Fort Macon by myself. Going to Fort Macon with the Thomas'. Riding around with Chris Walther. Going to his soccer games. Getting love notes from Joel Tavera in the eighth grade. Getting my first Valentine from my first boyfriend (it was from that popular cartoon involving like rollerblading sharks or something... I was about ten. "Love at first bite. XOXO"). Anthony Martin tricking me into kissing him on the schoolbus in 1st grade. Sitting in his grandpa's basement with three other families every single time there was a tornado watch in Southern Illinois. Playing cards with Josh Thomas on my livingroom floor until midnight (Him: "So, I kind of like you..." Me: *grin* "I kind of like you too..."). Going canoeing with Tom and Gabe at my party of sorts to escape the hideous cliqueishness of the "pretty people." Going rollerskating. The first time I held hands with a boy. The first time a boy wanted to make out with me and I turned him down. Matthew Redding making me laugh (I had a crush on him from when I was two until I moved away from Illinois when I was nine). Playing in the creek in Illinois. Running over bales of hay. Gardening. Meeting the mailman everyday in Wilson. Driving around with Josh. Taking pictures at Desolate shows. Getting up at 3am to be at Josh's house by 4am to be in Havelock by 5am when the television studio didn't even open until 7:30am. Playing hide and go seek at his house. Chris and I singing our favorite songs in my car. Going to the C&C/Underoath/Three concert in Charlotte with Matt, Myriah, and Nate. Exploring the painted barns. Waking up entangled in Matt's arms and legs. All of those times we ate at Waffle House just to see the people (and because it was the only place open that late). The hockey game in Richmond, VA, that lasted about five hours due to injuries, broken glass, and overtime. Powderpuff football. Starring in my school play. Starring in my kindergarten play. Sitting at the computer ALL day just making websites and playing Tetris. Being told I was beautiful. Painting. Ooooooooh... I could go on forever.
9. Last CD you bought?
The Rocky Horror Punk Rock Show.
10. Personal guru / hero / idol?
There are so many. Christ, Billy Corgan, and the chick from Dresden Dolls, just to name a few.
Friends
1. Do you have a large, medium or small group of friends, large being 15 or more, medium being 5 to 15 or small being 5 or less?
Small. Definitely. I have about four close friends, I think. Chris, Myriah, Sarah, and Brandon. Um, I guess my cousin, Tanner, is also my friend, but family members hardly count. So. Three. Small.
2. Out of that group, do you have a best friend?
I don't care for the whole "best friend" thing, but out of those, Chris and Myriah are very close. Myriah is my sister. Chris is the closest out of my non-relative friends. But when we get married (;)), I'll have to figure out who my next close friend in line will be.
3. What is it that you like about your best friend?
He's a hotty. Um. We share many of the same dreams and aspirations. We have similar personalities and ideas of good humor. He's strong and a good hugger. We don't party, don't drink, don't smoke, and don't do drugs together. He doesn't really talk with me much, but when I need an honest answer, he's usually willing to give it to me.
4. Do you have "friends" here in CGR?
Hm. Less, it seems, than I had at one point...
5. What are their usernames?
You know who you are.
6. What makes a good friend?
Loyalty. Selflessness. Honesty. Forgiveness. Perseverence.
7. Have you ever lost a friend due to arguments or misunderstandings?
Yes.
8. Have you ever lost a friend in a tragedy?
No.
9. Would you rather have a really close best friend or a close knit group of friends?
I don't know. I tend to have that one really, really close friend, and then several other people who are knitted into that relationship as well. I think I like it this way, but it can be hard.
10. Have you ever dated a friend? If so, did it work out, or did it ruin your friendship?
Um. I haven't, but I don't know. Liking a friend and not dating them can ruin a friendship too.
11. Finish this sentence: Friendship is...?
Hott.
12. I'm always looking for friends. How did you meet the close friends that you have?
Church, mostly. I met Sarah at TCBS. Chris at a church service. Brandon on deviantart.com. Chyppe at a camp.
13. What are some things you do together? Video games, trips to the mall, etc?
Hm. Chris and I go to coffee shops a lot. The mall, every once in a while. We drive a WHOLE LOT.
14. Do you think that you are closer to your friends than your siblings or parents?
No. Maybe in the past, but Myriah and I are extremely close now, and my mom and I are occasionally pretty close. Right now, my closest friend really isn't that close.
Yes or No
1. play video games?
Rarely.
2. visited Toronto?
No.
3. smoke pot today?
Of course. Not.
4. wear prescription glasses?
No.
5. read On the Road (by Jack Kerouac)?
No.
6. own a brown shirt?
No.
7. do 'ya pray?
Yes.
8. listen to Pink Floyd?
Sometimes. Rarely.
9. own/lease a vehicle?
Yes.
10. eat meat?
Yes.
11. also hate Britney?
Not hate. Strongly dislike.
12. been to Jersey?
Have passed through New Jersey.
13. are you male?
Not today.
14. scared of heights?
No.
15. paying off a student loan?
Not yet.
16. single?
Damnit. Yes. Always. Always freaking single. Damnit. Always.
17. around in the 60's?
No.
18. wearing shoes right now?
No.
19. like Kraft Dinner?
No.
20. under 30?
Yes.
21. been to the top of the Empire State Building?
Yes. And I've written my name on it with a Sharpie.
22. ever collect rocks?
Yes.
23. are you a drinker?
Not really.
24. wearing anything red right now?
A crimson bra, yo.
25. love Seinfeld?
It's okay.
26. ever travel by Greyhound?
Not yet.
27. own cat(s)?
No. But my family does.
28. have sex today?
Not yet. The night is young. And I am... Hopeless.
29. ever lose your wallet?
Yeah. In my bedroom. Oh man. Oh man.
30. write poetry?
Blah.
Religion
1. Age / Gender / Location
What does this have to do with religion, exactly? I am seventeen, female, and located in Northern Carolina.
2. What is your religion and/or personal faith?
I am... Oh man. Christian bordering on semi-agnosticism?
3. Why do you practice this religion?
Because it is the most truthful thing I've found.
4. Were you born into your religion or did you research it and decide upon it later on in life?
Kind of both.
5. Why do you believe what you believe?
Because believing in something is better than believing in nothing... And, as I mentioned before, this seems to be the most truthful thing I have found.
6. Do you think other religions/faiths are wrong?
As far as I know, yes.
7. What do you think will happen once we die?
Eternity.
8. Would you die for your faith?
Depends on the circumstances.
9. Do you think you are prejudiced against for your faith? Why or why not?
Somewhat.
10. How does your religion/faith come into your every day life?
Well, really, I doubt I'd have lived this long if it hadn't been for the hope that I clasp so anxiously in my heart...
11. Would you consider becoming a preacher/priest or the equivelent? Why or why not?
Maybe. I'd have to learn a whole lot more first, though.
12. If you follow a holy book, is the holy book 110% right in all things?
I hope so.
13. Is there any completely wrong religion/faith?
Um... I'm not sure. Each religion I am familiar with has some piece of it that relates back to the religion that I believe is the most accurate.
14. Does your religion/faith make you feel complete? How so?
In a way. Um. It feels almost homelike, at times.
15. Do you think that had you grown up a part of a family whose religion was not the one you current are, would you still be [your religion]?
I'm not sure.
Lovely Love
1. Describe what love means to you.
Love means complete honesty, faithfulness, selflessness, kindness, joy, and devotion...
2. Do fall in love easily?
Hm. I tend to fall in love easily when I find someone worth loving. It doesn't happen often, but when I find that kind of guy, I think it happens rather quickly.
3. Do you fall out of love easily?
I'm afraid so, in some situations. But I can't fall out of love when I most want to. What a horrible thing the heart can be...
4. Some people say that biologically, all love is just chemical brain mush-nuerons and such. Agree or disagree?
I think love originates in the heart, and then is mass produced by the brain.
5. What would you sacrifice for love?
A lot.
6. What have you done in love that you most regret?
I regret putting myself in the position to be hurt.
7. Trash your ex here:
Hey. My mama taught me better than that.
8. Boast about your current here:
If only.
9. Thanks much luv to you from me
...
10. Cupid says hi and he wants his arrow back...
Freaking retard.
Profanity
1. Do you use profanity much in your diary?
No, damnit!
2. What's your favourite cuss word?
Not damnit, damnit!
3. Would you be comfortable swearing in front of your parents?
Only when it involves a joke, strong feelings, or direct quotation.
4. Do you ever get offended when people cuss?
Kind of. I don't know. I hate it when people cuss excessively... Damnit.
5. Do you ever wonder where cuss words come from, and what makes them offensive?
Yeah.
6. If you forgot every cuss word you ever knew, what would you say if you accidently whacked your thumb with a hammer?
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
7. Invent a new cuss word for me.
Make me.
8. Thank you very much for your time!
Heh.
Film
1. Which Indiana Jones movie is the ultimate supreme-o of archeology action? (and for bonus points, what is Indiana Jones's real name?)
Raiders of the Lost Ark. Henry Jones, Jr.
2. How old were you when you first saw Star Wars?
Oh man. So young... I can't even remember.
3. Which Star Wars movie is the best?
The first one of all will always be my favorite.
4. Why do so many people prefer The Empire Strikes Back?
Because it's a new trendish thing.
5. How old were you when you first saw Goonies?
Hm. I don't remember that either.
6. Which coming-of-age movie is the best?
The Breakfast Club.
7. What are your three favorite animated feature films?
Um... Alice in Wonderland, Aladdin, and Cinderella.
8. Which horror movie would be the worst to actually live?
I'll tell you the most awesome... I'll bet you can guess... Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh right.
9. Which horror movie villian is the most terrifying?
I don't know. The thing from Jeepers Creepers was rather frightening.
10. What is the best fantasy film directed by Jim Henson and featuring David Bowie?
Heh. The Labrynth?
11. Of the other (lesser) fantasy films, which is your favorite?
Dunno.
12. Which is your favorite anime?
I dislike anime in general.
13. Which is your favorite anime that is not on Cartoon Network?
I hate that Cartoon Network has been overrun by said anime.
14. If I yell "Akiiiiiiiirrraaaaaaa!! Teeeetsuoooooooo!!" do you know what I'm talking about? And should you tell me I'm not funny?
I should dropkick you in the nostril, that's what I should do...
15. Which Speilberg movie is the best? Which Speilberg movie is your favorite? Which is the most fun?
I enjoyed The Terminal, but that's just the first that came to mind.
16. What is your favorite movie involving extra-terrestrials?
E.T., Mars Attacks, or THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!
17. What are your top three favorite foreign films?
Amelie. Can't think of any others.
18. Who are your top three favorite directors?
I don't know.
19. Which movie do you think is the best quality movie ever made?
I don't know.
20. Which movie is the most fun?
I don't know.
21. Why are romantic comedies usually so lame?
I don't know.
22. Who are your top three favorite actors?
I don't know.
23. What is the worst movie you've ever seen?
The Horse Whisperer.
24. What makes a kids' movie fun for grown-ups too?
Um. Sexual innuendo.
25. Which movie trilogy is the best?
LOTR?
26. Which actor would you want to play you in the movie about your life?
*shrug* Kelly Osbourne?
27. Recommend a movie that I probably haven't seen.
White Oleander, Assault on Precinct 13, Phantom of the Opera, Amelie, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Benny and Joon, or The Last Unicorn.
1. How are you feeling today?
Hm. Normal, for me. Kind of nostalgic, lovesick, anxious, curious, thoughtful, wistful, pensive, and hurt. Rejection sucks hardcore. I am, in the words of Viktor Navorski, "Unacceptable!" Someone will find me someday.
2. What are you wearing at the moment?
At the moment, I am wearing blue underwear, a crimson bra, an aquamarine, fitted tshirt, some baggyish, light blue, denim jeans, and Lilu perfume. This shirt makes my eyes go crazy. I love it.
3. Where do you live?
I live in a tiny little town in Eastern North Carolina. This fall, I should be going off to college someplace, so who knows? Maybe I'll make it as far as Paris. Maybe I won't make it past Wilmington. I don't know.
4. How old are you?
I am currently seventeen. But only for about another month. I'll finally be a legal adult on March 5th.
5. Do you frequent message boards? Which ones?
Not a lot. Just [CGR], mainly.
6. If you keep a diary, do you keep a "real" one too?
This is the closest thing to a diary that I have.
7. Name? Username(s)? Sex?
My name: Morgan. Usernames: Maux or pulseczar, usually. Sex: Marry me.
8. Favourite memory?
Hm. I'm going to write a few little reminders of happy memories here... If you have known me for a long time, you might catch a few. If not... I'm sorry.
Hugging Robbie when I gave him his tshirt back. Having "The Mystery Goth Boy/Man" stop his car in front of mine, wave, and give me a huge smile. Taking pictures of Fort Macon by myself. Going to Fort Macon with the Thomas'. Riding around with Chris Walther. Going to his soccer games. Getting love notes from Joel Tavera in the eighth grade. Getting my first Valentine from my first boyfriend (it was from that popular cartoon involving like rollerblading sharks or something... I was about ten. "Love at first bite. XOXO"). Anthony Martin tricking me into kissing him on the schoolbus in 1st grade. Sitting in his grandpa's basement with three other families every single time there was a tornado watch in Southern Illinois. Playing cards with Josh Thomas on my livingroom floor until midnight (Him: "So, I kind of like you..." Me: *grin* "I kind of like you too..."). Going canoeing with Tom and Gabe at my party of sorts to escape the hideous cliqueishness of the "pretty people." Going rollerskating. The first time I held hands with a boy. The first time a boy wanted to make out with me and I turned him down. Matthew Redding making me laugh (I had a crush on him from when I was two until I moved away from Illinois when I was nine). Playing in the creek in Illinois. Running over bales of hay. Gardening. Meeting the mailman everyday in Wilson. Driving around with Josh. Taking pictures at Desolate shows. Getting up at 3am to be at Josh's house by 4am to be in Havelock by 5am when the television studio didn't even open until 7:30am. Playing hide and go seek at his house. Chris and I singing our favorite songs in my car. Going to the C&C/Underoath/Three concert in Charlotte with Matt, Myriah, and Nate. Exploring the painted barns. Waking up entangled in Matt's arms and legs. All of those times we ate at Waffle House just to see the people (and because it was the only place open that late). The hockey game in Richmond, VA, that lasted about five hours due to injuries, broken glass, and overtime. Powderpuff football. Starring in my school play. Starring in my kindergarten play. Sitting at the computer ALL day just making websites and playing Tetris. Being told I was beautiful. Painting. Ooooooooh... I could go on forever.
9. Last CD you bought?
The Rocky Horror Punk Rock Show.
10. Personal guru / hero / idol?
There are so many. Christ, Billy Corgan, and the chick from Dresden Dolls, just to name a few.
Friends
1. Do you have a large, medium or small group of friends, large being 15 or more, medium being 5 to 15 or small being 5 or less?
Small. Definitely. I have about four close friends, I think. Chris, Myriah, Sarah, and Brandon. Um, I guess my cousin, Tanner, is also my friend, but family members hardly count. So. Three. Small.
2. Out of that group, do you have a best friend?
I don't care for the whole "best friend" thing, but out of those, Chris and Myriah are very close. Myriah is my sister. Chris is the closest out of my non-relative friends. But when we get married (;)), I'll have to figure out who my next close friend in line will be.
3. What is it that you like about your best friend?
He's a hotty. Um. We share many of the same dreams and aspirations. We have similar personalities and ideas of good humor. He's strong and a good hugger. We don't party, don't drink, don't smoke, and don't do drugs together. He doesn't really talk with me much, but when I need an honest answer, he's usually willing to give it to me.
4. Do you have "friends" here in CGR?
Hm. Less, it seems, than I had at one point...
5. What are their usernames?
You know who you are.
6. What makes a good friend?
Loyalty. Selflessness. Honesty. Forgiveness. Perseverence.
7. Have you ever lost a friend due to arguments or misunderstandings?
Yes.
8. Have you ever lost a friend in a tragedy?
No.
9. Would you rather have a really close best friend or a close knit group of friends?
I don't know. I tend to have that one really, really close friend, and then several other people who are knitted into that relationship as well. I think I like it this way, but it can be hard.
10. Have you ever dated a friend? If so, did it work out, or did it ruin your friendship?
Um. I haven't, but I don't know. Liking a friend and not dating them can ruin a friendship too.
11. Finish this sentence: Friendship is...?
Hott.
12. I'm always looking for friends. How did you meet the close friends that you have?
Church, mostly. I met Sarah at TCBS. Chris at a church service. Brandon on deviantart.com. Chyppe at a camp.
13. What are some things you do together? Video games, trips to the mall, etc?
Hm. Chris and I go to coffee shops a lot. The mall, every once in a while. We drive a WHOLE LOT.
14. Do you think that you are closer to your friends than your siblings or parents?
No. Maybe in the past, but Myriah and I are extremely close now, and my mom and I are occasionally pretty close. Right now, my closest friend really isn't that close.
Yes or No
1. play video games?
Rarely.
2. visited Toronto?
No.
3. smoke pot today?
Of course. Not.
4. wear prescription glasses?
No.
5. read On the Road (by Jack Kerouac)?
No.
6. own a brown shirt?
No.
7. do 'ya pray?
Yes.
8. listen to Pink Floyd?
Sometimes. Rarely.
9. own/lease a vehicle?
Yes.
10. eat meat?
Yes.
11. also hate Britney?
Not hate. Strongly dislike.
12. been to Jersey?
Have passed through New Jersey.
13. are you male?
Not today.
14. scared of heights?
No.
15. paying off a student loan?
Not yet.
16. single?
Damnit. Yes. Always. Always freaking single. Damnit. Always.
17. around in the 60's?
No.
18. wearing shoes right now?
No.
19. like Kraft Dinner?
No.
20. under 30?
Yes.
21. been to the top of the Empire State Building?
Yes. And I've written my name on it with a Sharpie.
22. ever collect rocks?
Yes.
23. are you a drinker?
Not really.
24. wearing anything red right now?
A crimson bra, yo.
25. love Seinfeld?
It's okay.
26. ever travel by Greyhound?
Not yet.
27. own cat(s)?
No. But my family does.
28. have sex today?
Not yet. The night is young. And I am... Hopeless.
29. ever lose your wallet?
Yeah. In my bedroom. Oh man. Oh man.
30. write poetry?
Blah.
Religion
1. Age / Gender / Location
What does this have to do with religion, exactly? I am seventeen, female, and located in Northern Carolina.
2. What is your religion and/or personal faith?
I am... Oh man. Christian bordering on semi-agnosticism?
3. Why do you practice this religion?
Because it is the most truthful thing I've found.
4. Were you born into your religion or did you research it and decide upon it later on in life?
Kind of both.
5. Why do you believe what you believe?
Because believing in something is better than believing in nothing... And, as I mentioned before, this seems to be the most truthful thing I have found.
6. Do you think other religions/faiths are wrong?
As far as I know, yes.
7. What do you think will happen once we die?
Eternity.
8. Would you die for your faith?
Depends on the circumstances.
9. Do you think you are prejudiced against for your faith? Why or why not?
Somewhat.
10. How does your religion/faith come into your every day life?
Well, really, I doubt I'd have lived this long if it hadn't been for the hope that I clasp so anxiously in my heart...
11. Would you consider becoming a preacher/priest or the equivelent? Why or why not?
Maybe. I'd have to learn a whole lot more first, though.
12. If you follow a holy book, is the holy book 110% right in all things?
I hope so.
13. Is there any completely wrong religion/faith?
Um... I'm not sure. Each religion I am familiar with has some piece of it that relates back to the religion that I believe is the most accurate.
14. Does your religion/faith make you feel complete? How so?
In a way. Um. It feels almost homelike, at times.
15. Do you think that had you grown up a part of a family whose religion was not the one you current are, would you still be [your religion]?
I'm not sure.
Lovely Love
1. Describe what love means to you.
Love means complete honesty, faithfulness, selflessness, kindness, joy, and devotion...
2. Do fall in love easily?
Hm. I tend to fall in love easily when I find someone worth loving. It doesn't happen often, but when I find that kind of guy, I think it happens rather quickly.
3. Do you fall out of love easily?
I'm afraid so, in some situations. But I can't fall out of love when I most want to. What a horrible thing the heart can be...
4. Some people say that biologically, all love is just chemical brain mush-nuerons and such. Agree or disagree?
I think love originates in the heart, and then is mass produced by the brain.
5. What would you sacrifice for love?
A lot.
6. What have you done in love that you most regret?
I regret putting myself in the position to be hurt.
7. Trash your ex here:
Hey. My mama taught me better than that.
8. Boast about your current here:
If only.
9. Thanks much luv to you from me
...
10. Cupid says hi and he wants his arrow back...
Freaking retard.
Profanity
1. Do you use profanity much in your diary?
No, damnit!
2. What's your favourite cuss word?
Not damnit, damnit!
3. Would you be comfortable swearing in front of your parents?
Only when it involves a joke, strong feelings, or direct quotation.
4. Do you ever get offended when people cuss?
Kind of. I don't know. I hate it when people cuss excessively... Damnit.
5. Do you ever wonder where cuss words come from, and what makes them offensive?
Yeah.
6. If you forgot every cuss word you ever knew, what would you say if you accidently whacked your thumb with a hammer?
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
7. Invent a new cuss word for me.
Make me.
8. Thank you very much for your time!
Heh.
Film
1. Which Indiana Jones movie is the ultimate supreme-o of archeology action? (and for bonus points, what is Indiana Jones's real name?)
Raiders of the Lost Ark. Henry Jones, Jr.
2. How old were you when you first saw Star Wars?
Oh man. So young... I can't even remember.
3. Which Star Wars movie is the best?
The first one of all will always be my favorite.
4. Why do so many people prefer The Empire Strikes Back?
Because it's a new trendish thing.
5. How old were you when you first saw Goonies?
Hm. I don't remember that either.
6. Which coming-of-age movie is the best?
The Breakfast Club.
7. What are your three favorite animated feature films?
Um... Alice in Wonderland, Aladdin, and Cinderella.
8. Which horror movie would be the worst to actually live?
I'll tell you the most awesome... I'll bet you can guess... Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh right.
9. Which horror movie villian is the most terrifying?
I don't know. The thing from Jeepers Creepers was rather frightening.
10. What is the best fantasy film directed by Jim Henson and featuring David Bowie?
Heh. The Labrynth?
11. Of the other (lesser) fantasy films, which is your favorite?
Dunno.
12. Which is your favorite anime?
I dislike anime in general.
13. Which is your favorite anime that is not on Cartoon Network?
I hate that Cartoon Network has been overrun by said anime.
14. If I yell "Akiiiiiiiirrraaaaaaa!! Teeeetsuoooooooo!!" do you know what I'm talking about? And should you tell me I'm not funny?
I should dropkick you in the nostril, that's what I should do...
15. Which Speilberg movie is the best? Which Speilberg movie is your favorite? Which is the most fun?
I enjoyed The Terminal, but that's just the first that came to mind.
16. What is your favorite movie involving extra-terrestrials?
E.T., Mars Attacks, or THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!
17. What are your top three favorite foreign films?
Amelie. Can't think of any others.
18. Who are your top three favorite directors?
I don't know.
19. Which movie do you think is the best quality movie ever made?
I don't know.
20. Which movie is the most fun?
I don't know.
21. Why are romantic comedies usually so lame?
I don't know.
22. Who are your top three favorite actors?
I don't know.
23. What is the worst movie you've ever seen?
The Horse Whisperer.
24. What makes a kids' movie fun for grown-ups too?
Um. Sexual innuendo.
25. Which movie trilogy is the best?
LOTR?
26. Which actor would you want to play you in the movie about your life?
*shrug* Kelly Osbourne?
27. Recommend a movie that I probably haven't seen.
White Oleander, Assault on Precinct 13, Phantom of the Opera, Amelie, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Benny and Joon, or The Last Unicorn.
January 25, 2005
Remind Me Not To Ever Think Of You Again
Do you ever get that feeling where you're ready to cry, but you just can't? And then there's that feeling in your chest that makes it seem like you'll vomit up your heart any minute... But it would almost feel good, because it hurts too badly where it is. All you want to do is curl up in a ball, block out everything around you, and nurse your wounds with misery and self-pity. At this point, you don't care if anyone else feels the way you do or feels any pain for you... You just wish that it were over. You wish that you didn't have to live with it anymore. You just want to be happy...
Please, make me happy.
Please, make me happy.
January 24, 2005
Love Rhymes With Hideous Car Wreck
Those tire tracks
Zigzag your torso like a Devil's self portrait
The car accident, the skin graft treatment, the flower baskets, the wincing relatives...
You bid her farewell then got in your car
And that's the last thing that you can recall
And when they pulled you out
You didn't know your name
Exploding semi-truck blurred your face with flame...
You met Jane four years ago today
Dancing at some vomit-stained frat party
Her newspaper gown, flashing headline brown, her violent gypsy dance, her tired underpants...
Love rhymes with pity now
Love rhymes with sympathy now
Jane let you touch and feel her
She was so free like a pineapple in a tree
You said it's dangerous
To be so intimate
You know it's dangerous, dangerous, dangerous
Jane said when she laid on her back
The sun hit her body like an ugly landscape
But some things never get better
Like used cars and bad livers
So you traded her in for a better looking brand
One with fake porno tits
A pad lock on her lips
Disposable tan
Biodegradable hands
Back at the hospital
You got no visitors at all
She visits you in your sleep
But that newspaper gown is always on fire
She met him a week after you left her
When you tossed out her touch to the garbage collector
He talked her out of her skirt in his beer-soaked apartment
And then they did all the things
You never said that you wanted
And the sirens are laughing underneath your skull
And your thoughts are turning dull, callous, and cold
Yesterday you gave your burden a name
Yesterday you gave your burden a face
But your burden looks an awful lot like her
Love rhymes with pity now
Love rhymes with sympathy now
Zigzag your torso like a Devil's self portrait
The car accident, the skin graft treatment, the flower baskets, the wincing relatives...
You bid her farewell then got in your car
And that's the last thing that you can recall
And when they pulled you out
You didn't know your name
Exploding semi-truck blurred your face with flame...
You met Jane four years ago today
Dancing at some vomit-stained frat party
Her newspaper gown, flashing headline brown, her violent gypsy dance, her tired underpants...
Love rhymes with pity now
Love rhymes with sympathy now
Jane let you touch and feel her
She was so free like a pineapple in a tree
You said it's dangerous
To be so intimate
You know it's dangerous, dangerous, dangerous
Jane said when she laid on her back
The sun hit her body like an ugly landscape
But some things never get better
Like used cars and bad livers
So you traded her in for a better looking brand
One with fake porno tits
A pad lock on her lips
Disposable tan
Biodegradable hands
Back at the hospital
You got no visitors at all
She visits you in your sleep
But that newspaper gown is always on fire
She met him a week after you left her
When you tossed out her touch to the garbage collector
He talked her out of her skirt in his beer-soaked apartment
And then they did all the things
You never said that you wanted
And the sirens are laughing underneath your skull
And your thoughts are turning dull, callous, and cold
Yesterday you gave your burden a name
Yesterday you gave your burden a face
But your burden looks an awful lot like her
Love rhymes with pity now
Love rhymes with sympathy now
Tomorrow...
"Maybe tomorrow my sorrow shall end... Perhaps by then, I'll be more than a friend."
Whoa. College. Soon.
I had forgotten about it, but then it jumped back into my thoughts again tonight. Chris, my closest friend, is leaving for college this fall. We're thinking about going someplace together. He's looking into Liberty. Liberty is cool. I had my heart set on going there for a while, so it'd be alright.
It's really scary, though. I want to go with him like something else, just because I need to have someone there with me. I really need it. I realize that there's a good chance that he's not going to be there for me for very long... He's going to find other friends and perhaps even a girlfriend (*gasp!*), but I can live with that, I think. I don't know. I'm still thinking.
If he decides to go to a college out in the middle of Ohio or something that's only a law school, and I decide not to go to a law school and get into State, then I won't go with him. If we both get into Liberty, then I just might consider it.
Man. I hate false hope. So very much. I kill my heart with it quite frequently... Alas. I really hate that I can do stuff about it, but then I don't, and it hurts worse...
I am such a loser. Haha.
I have to get up in four hours, so I'd say it's probably time for me to go to sleep. Thanks for reading this. Leave me some love.
Goodnight.
Whoa. College. Soon.
I had forgotten about it, but then it jumped back into my thoughts again tonight. Chris, my closest friend, is leaving for college this fall. We're thinking about going someplace together. He's looking into Liberty. Liberty is cool. I had my heart set on going there for a while, so it'd be alright.
It's really scary, though. I want to go with him like something else, just because I need to have someone there with me. I really need it. I realize that there's a good chance that he's not going to be there for me for very long... He's going to find other friends and perhaps even a girlfriend (*gasp!*), but I can live with that, I think. I don't know. I'm still thinking.
If he decides to go to a college out in the middle of Ohio or something that's only a law school, and I decide not to go to a law school and get into State, then I won't go with him. If we both get into Liberty, then I just might consider it.
Man. I hate false hope. So very much. I kill my heart with it quite frequently... Alas. I really hate that I can do stuff about it, but then I don't, and it hurts worse...
I am such a loser. Haha.
I have to get up in four hours, so I'd say it's probably time for me to go to sleep. Thanks for reading this. Leave me some love.
Goodnight.
January 20, 2005
The Jeep Song
Haha. I love The Dresden Dolls.
I've been driving around town
With my head spinning around
Everywhere I look I see
Your '96 Jeep Cherokee
You're a bully and a clown
You made me cry and put me down
After all that I've been through
You'd think I'd hate the sight of you
But with every Jeep I see
My broken heart still skips a beat
I guess it's just my stupid luck
That all of Boston drives that same black fucking truck
It could be him or am I tripping
And I'm crashing into everything
And thinking about skipping town a while
Until these cars go out of style...
I try to see it in reverse
It makes the situation hundreds of times worse
When I wonder if it makes you want to cry
Every time you see a light blue Volvo driving by
So don't tell me that you're off to see the world
I know you won't get very far
Don't call me if you get another girl, baby
Just call me if you get another car
The number of them is insane
Every exit's an exboyfriend memory lane
Every major street's a minor heart attack
I see a red Jeep and I want to paint it black
It could be him or am I tripping
And I'm crashing into everything
I can't wait 'til you trade that fucker in
By then they will have stuck me in the looney bin
It could be him my heart is pounding
It's just no use I'm surrounded
But someday I'll steal your car and switch the gears
And drive that Cherokee straight off this trail of tears
I've been driving around town
With my head spinning around
Everywhere I look I see
Your '96 Jeep Cherokee
You're a bully and a clown
You made me cry and put me down
After all that I've been through
You'd think I'd hate the sight of you
But with every Jeep I see
My broken heart still skips a beat
I guess it's just my stupid luck
That all of Boston drives that same black fucking truck
It could be him or am I tripping
And I'm crashing into everything
And thinking about skipping town a while
Until these cars go out of style...
I try to see it in reverse
It makes the situation hundreds of times worse
When I wonder if it makes you want to cry
Every time you see a light blue Volvo driving by
So don't tell me that you're off to see the world
I know you won't get very far
Don't call me if you get another girl, baby
Just call me if you get another car
The number of them is insane
Every exit's an exboyfriend memory lane
Every major street's a minor heart attack
I see a red Jeep and I want to paint it black
It could be him or am I tripping
And I'm crashing into everything
I can't wait 'til you trade that fucker in
By then they will have stuck me in the looney bin
It could be him my heart is pounding
It's just no use I'm surrounded
But someday I'll steal your car and switch the gears
And drive that Cherokee straight off this trail of tears
January 19, 2005
If It Didn't Rain Then There Wouldn't Be Any Flowers
Ahhhhh... Why can't I just let go? I give myself such wonderful advice... Why can't I ever take it? This reminds me of Alice in Wonderland, although I can't quite place why... My, my, my. So many whys and can'ts. You'd think I were confused or something...
"Yes, we're sharing a drink called loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone."
Do boys just say, "You're so awesome, I'd totally date you!" or "You're the most awesome girl that I know. You're sexy, date-able, and perfect. But..." just to make girls feel better? Damnit. I wish those flowers would start sprouting up sometime soon. Like tomorrow, for instance. That'd be great.
Right now, I have this one close friendship that takes precedence over a lot of other things in my life. I keep finding myself being the cheerful one in the relationship, and it's completely fake! I'm usually the depressed and gloomy one, but now I'm finding myself put on a front just to try to keep these two happy. It's so exausting. I've taken that front off once or twice, but then they just think I'm PMSing or something. Damnit. So freaking frustrating. *breaks something*
I like being gloomy. It fits me. I hate being cheerful unless it's 100% genuine.
I wish I could cry.
"Yes, we're sharing a drink called loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone."
Do boys just say, "You're so awesome, I'd totally date you!" or "You're the most awesome girl that I know. You're sexy, date-able, and perfect. But..." just to make girls feel better? Damnit. I wish those flowers would start sprouting up sometime soon. Like tomorrow, for instance. That'd be great.
Right now, I have this one close friendship that takes precedence over a lot of other things in my life. I keep finding myself being the cheerful one in the relationship, and it's completely fake! I'm usually the depressed and gloomy one, but now I'm finding myself put on a front just to try to keep these two happy. It's so exausting. I've taken that front off once or twice, but then they just think I'm PMSing or something. Damnit. So freaking frustrating. *breaks something*
I like being gloomy. It fits me. I hate being cheerful unless it's 100% genuine.
I wish I could cry.
January 17, 2005
Missed Me
Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me
If you kiss me, mister, I might tell my sister
If I tell her, mister, she might tell my mother and my
Mother, mister, just might tell my father and my father
Mister, he won't be too happy and he'll have his lawyer
Come up from the city and arrest you, mister
So I wouldn't miss me, if you get me, mister, see?
Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me
If you kiss me, mister, you must think I'm pretty
If you think so, mister, you must want to fuck me
If you fuck me, mister, it must mean you love me
If you love me, mister, you would never leave me
It's as simple as can be!
Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me
If you miss me, mister, why do you keep leaving?
If you trick me, mister, I will make you suffer
And they'll get you, mister, put you in the slammer and forget
You, mister, then I think you'll miss me, won't you miss me?
Won't you miss me?
Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me
If you kiss me, mister, take responsibility
I'm fragile, mister, just like any girl would be
And so misunderstood (so treat me delicately!)
Missed me, missed me, now you've gone and done it
Hope you're happy in the county penitentiary
It serves you right for kissing little girls
But I will visit if you miss me
Do you miss me? MISS ME??
How's the food they feed you??
Do you miss me?
Will you kiss me through the window?
Do you MISS ME? MISS ME??!!
Will they ever let you go???
I miss my mister so!!!
If you kiss me, mister, I might tell my sister
If I tell her, mister, she might tell my mother and my
Mother, mister, just might tell my father and my father
Mister, he won't be too happy and he'll have his lawyer
Come up from the city and arrest you, mister
So I wouldn't miss me, if you get me, mister, see?
Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me
If you kiss me, mister, you must think I'm pretty
If you think so, mister, you must want to fuck me
If you fuck me, mister, it must mean you love me
If you love me, mister, you would never leave me
It's as simple as can be!
Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me
If you miss me, mister, why do you keep leaving?
If you trick me, mister, I will make you suffer
And they'll get you, mister, put you in the slammer and forget
You, mister, then I think you'll miss me, won't you miss me?
Won't you miss me?
Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me
If you kiss me, mister, take responsibility
I'm fragile, mister, just like any girl would be
And so misunderstood (so treat me delicately!)
Missed me, missed me, now you've gone and done it
Hope you're happy in the county penitentiary
It serves you right for kissing little girls
But I will visit if you miss me
Do you miss me? MISS ME??
How's the food they feed you??
Do you miss me?
Will you kiss me through the window?
Do you MISS ME? MISS ME??!!
Will they ever let you go???
I miss my mister so!!!
January 14, 2005
Reality Gave Me My Black Eyes
You know something? I can be happy if I want to be. It's true. And it's relatively easy. So, perhaps you're wondering why I don't really put this happiness into effect? Because it feels too damn fake. It's good for a few minutes, but it's just not real. Soon enough. Soon enough.
I wish I could express my thoughts and feelings through words that were not merely grammatically correct, with correct spelling and decent punctuation... I'd like to be able to write songs and poems and the like. Truth is I'm just not good at it.
Titles, though... I can whip out a pretty dandy title just about any day. Need a name for your cd? I'm the kid to come to. Need help writing a song? I'll edit it and be brutally honest, but other than that, you're out of luck.
I know the difference between YOUR and YOU'RE!
There are some shows coming up to this area. These are the ones I and/or my friends and/or my family are interested in:
January 31st: Bright Eyes at the Raleigh Memorial Auditorium.
February 4th: Hawthorne Heights at the Tremont Music Hall in Charlotte.
February 19th: Atreyu, Norma Jean, and Unearth at Ziggy's in Winston Salem.
February 27th: Flogging Molly at the Tremont Music Hall in Charlotte.
March 10th: Chevelle at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach.
Out of those, I'd love to see Bright Eyes and Norma Jean. Flogging Molly would be cool, but I could live without 'em. Bright Eyes, my favorite, looks the most probable. That is, if it isn't sold out already.
Today, my most common feeling was that of disposability. I want to be indispensable. Thankfully, before I had a chance to go to bed early and upset, one of my most beloved friends randomly said, "I truly cherish you deeply." That warmed my heart.
I might have more than just one or two friends at a time someday. If not, as long as I have a husband who loves me, I think I'll be just fine.
We are as forlorn as children lost in the wood. When you stand in front of me and look at me, what do you know of the griefs that are in me and what do I know of yours? And if I were to cast myself down before you and tell you, what more would you know about me than you know about Hell when someone tells you it is hot and dreadful? For that reason alone we human beings ought to stand before one another as reverently, as reflectively, as lovingly, as we could before the entrance to hell. -Franz Kafka
I wish I could express my thoughts and feelings through words that were not merely grammatically correct, with correct spelling and decent punctuation... I'd like to be able to write songs and poems and the like. Truth is I'm just not good at it.
Titles, though... I can whip out a pretty dandy title just about any day. Need a name for your cd? I'm the kid to come to. Need help writing a song? I'll edit it and be brutally honest, but other than that, you're out of luck.
I know the difference between YOUR and YOU'RE!
There are some shows coming up to this area. These are the ones I and/or my friends and/or my family are interested in:
January 31st: Bright Eyes at the Raleigh Memorial Auditorium.
February 4th: Hawthorne Heights at the Tremont Music Hall in Charlotte.
February 19th: Atreyu, Norma Jean, and Unearth at Ziggy's in Winston Salem.
February 27th: Flogging Molly at the Tremont Music Hall in Charlotte.
March 10th: Chevelle at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach.
Out of those, I'd love to see Bright Eyes and Norma Jean. Flogging Molly would be cool, but I could live without 'em. Bright Eyes, my favorite, looks the most probable. That is, if it isn't sold out already.
Today, my most common feeling was that of disposability. I want to be indispensable. Thankfully, before I had a chance to go to bed early and upset, one of my most beloved friends randomly said, "I truly cherish you deeply." That warmed my heart.
I might have more than just one or two friends at a time someday. If not, as long as I have a husband who loves me, I think I'll be just fine.
We are as forlorn as children lost in the wood. When you stand in front of me and look at me, what do you know of the griefs that are in me and what do I know of yours? And if I were to cast myself down before you and tell you, what more would you know about me than you know about Hell when someone tells you it is hot and dreadful? For that reason alone we human beings ought to stand before one another as reverently, as reflectively, as lovingly, as we could before the entrance to hell. -Franz Kafka
January 11, 2005
They Call It A Wasteland, Baby
If I had a place to stay, I'd be able to move out this summer. Unfortunately, I don't think I have enough money or the ability to make enough money to pay for my own apartment or whatever, which is why I'd probably need a place to stay... But... Who knows what's going to happen? I wish I had an older cousin or something who lived in Chicago or one of those big cities. That'd rock like a Metallica show. Or... Something...
Things are kind of ugly in my life again. I go through stages of having an extremely close friend whom I love dearly to only having a friend whom I love dearly to only loving someone dearly... And then, eventually, they're gone, and the love is only a memory.
I'm tired of things being the way that they are. But whatever. Tomorrow is another day.
Frequent flyers in denial
And all the while
Emergency is evident
Revenants were the statues
Radar learning of huddled masses
Things are kind of ugly in my life again. I go through stages of having an extremely close friend whom I love dearly to only having a friend whom I love dearly to only loving someone dearly... And then, eventually, they're gone, and the love is only a memory.
I'm tired of things being the way that they are. But whatever. Tomorrow is another day.
Frequent flyers in denial
And all the while
Emergency is evident
Revenants were the statues
Radar learning of huddled masses
January 07, 2005
The Dandelions Come Up Like Recurring Dreams
"If I can't be with you, you might as well read this..."
I stole that today from [Noah's blog]. I don't really know who Noah is, but I sure do like the title of his blog.
"When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone's face and run like hell."
Okay. With that said, I love these lyrics. They're all remnants from songs by The Mountain Goats.
All Up The Seething Coast
Carry an apple in my pocket
I write reminders on my skin
Clip meaningless pictures from old magazines
I tape them to the walls
It's a bad place I'm in
And nothing you can say or do will stop me
And a thousand dead friends can't stop me
I go back to places I remember
See what's been going on without me
Stare down the strangers at the bus stop
Pretend they've been gossiping about me
Dance Music
Okay, so I'm seventeen years old
You're the last best thing I got going
But then the special secret sickness
Starts to eat through you
What am I supposed to do?
No way of knowing
So I follow you down your twisting alleyways
Find a few cul-de-sacs of my own
There's only one place this road ever ends up
And I don't wanna die alone
Let me down, let me down, let me down gently
When the police come to get me
I'm listenin' to dance music
Dance music
International Small Arms Traffic Blues
My love is like a powder keg
My love is like a powder keg in the corner of an empty warehouse
Somewhere just outside of town
About to burn down
Lab Rat Blues
I saw you, and I sank into your eyes.
I'm not going to apologize.
Letter From Belgium
When we walk out in the sunlight we tell everyone we know it hurts our eyes
When the real reason we don't like it is that it makes us wonder if we're dying
Lonesome Surprise
I had a name
Had a place
But like the clothes I wear
The holes grow everywhere
'Til it's like having nothing at all
Here's your lonesome surprise
Walked out of my shower, feeling more wet than baptized
New Star Song
I hung pictures of you from every lamp post in town
As the humidity climbed into numbers I don't care to repeat
The air was heavy and the sky was alive
And the Pacific Starlight train wasn't due in 'til 11:45
No Children
I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me,
Hand in unlovable hand.
And I hope you die,
I hope we both die.
I didn't get to finish reading all of the lyrics that I wanted to... So... I'll just close with these for now.
Palmcorder Yajna
Send somebody out for soda
Comb through the carpet for clues
Reflective tape on our sweatpants
Big holes in our shoes
Every couple minutes someone says he can't stand it any more
Laugh lines on our faces
Scale maps of the ocean floor
And I dreamt of a camera
Pointing out from inside the televsion
And the aperture yawning and blinking
And the headstones climbed up the hills
If anybody comes to see me
Tell 'em they just missed me by a minute
If anybody comes into our room while we're asleep
I hope they incinerate everybody in it
And I dreamt of a factory
Where they manufactured what I needed
Using shiny new machines
And the headstones climbed up the hills
Goodnight.
I stole that today from [Noah's blog]. I don't really know who Noah is, but I sure do like the title of his blog.
"When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone's face and run like hell."
Okay. With that said, I love these lyrics. They're all remnants from songs by The Mountain Goats.
All Up The Seething Coast
Carry an apple in my pocket
I write reminders on my skin
Clip meaningless pictures from old magazines
I tape them to the walls
It's a bad place I'm in
And nothing you can say or do will stop me
And a thousand dead friends can't stop me
I go back to places I remember
See what's been going on without me
Stare down the strangers at the bus stop
Pretend they've been gossiping about me
Dance Music
Okay, so I'm seventeen years old
You're the last best thing I got going
But then the special secret sickness
Starts to eat through you
What am I supposed to do?
No way of knowing
So I follow you down your twisting alleyways
Find a few cul-de-sacs of my own
There's only one place this road ever ends up
And I don't wanna die alone
Let me down, let me down, let me down gently
When the police come to get me
I'm listenin' to dance music
Dance music
International Small Arms Traffic Blues
My love is like a powder keg
My love is like a powder keg in the corner of an empty warehouse
Somewhere just outside of town
About to burn down
Lab Rat Blues
I saw you, and I sank into your eyes.
I'm not going to apologize.
Letter From Belgium
When we walk out in the sunlight we tell everyone we know it hurts our eyes
When the real reason we don't like it is that it makes us wonder if we're dying
Lonesome Surprise
I had a name
Had a place
But like the clothes I wear
The holes grow everywhere
'Til it's like having nothing at all
Here's your lonesome surprise
Walked out of my shower, feeling more wet than baptized
New Star Song
I hung pictures of you from every lamp post in town
As the humidity climbed into numbers I don't care to repeat
The air was heavy and the sky was alive
And the Pacific Starlight train wasn't due in 'til 11:45
No Children
I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me,
Hand in unlovable hand.
And I hope you die,
I hope we both die.
I didn't get to finish reading all of the lyrics that I wanted to... So... I'll just close with these for now.
Palmcorder Yajna
Send somebody out for soda
Comb through the carpet for clues
Reflective tape on our sweatpants
Big holes in our shoes
Every couple minutes someone says he can't stand it any more
Laugh lines on our faces
Scale maps of the ocean floor
And I dreamt of a camera
Pointing out from inside the televsion
And the aperture yawning and blinking
And the headstones climbed up the hills
If anybody comes to see me
Tell 'em they just missed me by a minute
If anybody comes into our room while we're asleep
I hope they incinerate everybody in it
And I dreamt of a factory
Where they manufactured what I needed
Using shiny new machines
And the headstones climbed up the hills
Goodnight.
January 05, 2005
Stereotypical Hopeless Romantic
Yes, I have feelings too.
I want to find someone who is so romantic and so in love with me that he will drive to my house and tap on my window just so that he kiss me goodnight. I want someone who can be with a million other people, and pay attention to no one but me. I want someone who just loves looking into my eyes, can tell when I'm lying, knows just how to make me smile genuinely, and really wants to know what I'm thinking. I want him to think I have the cutest lips of any girl he's ever seen. I want him to think that I'm the perfect size and shape. I want him to know my favorite colors. I want him to want to talk and share more than be entertained by music, movies, etc. I want him to write me short little love-notes. I want him to think I'm cute. I want him to impress me without being cocky or arrogant. I want him to encourage my femininity. I want him to be a leader. I want him to be honest and open with me. I want to be his confidant. I want him to be tactful. I want him to be patient and understanding. I want him to open doors for me. I want him to be a hopeless romantic. I want him to like good love stories. I want him to be manly and *gasp* sexual. I want him to be protective. I want him to appreciate real beauty. I want him to appreciate me. I want him to be respectful. I want him to be intelligent. I want him to have dreams. I want him to be my perfect size and shape. I want him to want me. I want him to be lovable. I want him to be affectionate. I want to be touched. I want to belong with someone. I want someone to belong with. I want to be loved.
I'm sorry. I was just pondering last night, and that's what I was pondering about.
Any takers?
I want to find someone who is so romantic and so in love with me that he will drive to my house and tap on my window just so that he kiss me goodnight. I want someone who can be with a million other people, and pay attention to no one but me. I want someone who just loves looking into my eyes, can tell when I'm lying, knows just how to make me smile genuinely, and really wants to know what I'm thinking. I want him to think I have the cutest lips of any girl he's ever seen. I want him to think that I'm the perfect size and shape. I want him to know my favorite colors. I want him to want to talk and share more than be entertained by music, movies, etc. I want him to write me short little love-notes. I want him to think I'm cute. I want him to impress me without being cocky or arrogant. I want him to encourage my femininity. I want him to be a leader. I want him to be honest and open with me. I want to be his confidant. I want him to be tactful. I want him to be patient and understanding. I want him to open doors for me. I want him to be a hopeless romantic. I want him to like good love stories. I want him to be manly and *gasp* sexual. I want him to be protective. I want him to appreciate real beauty. I want him to appreciate me. I want him to be respectful. I want him to be intelligent. I want him to have dreams. I want him to be my perfect size and shape. I want him to want me. I want him to be lovable. I want him to be affectionate. I want to be touched. I want to belong with someone. I want someone to belong with. I want to be loved.
I'm sorry. I was just pondering last night, and that's what I was pondering about.
Any takers?
January 04, 2005
Say Yes
Today was a good one. I met Brandon, the brother of an old schoolmate of mine. He's 20, and just moved back from Texas. He's quite tall, and quite cool as well.
I, along with my dear Chris, Myriah, and Brandon, went to Fort Macon for the early evening. It wasn't nearly as interesting as it usually is, and I'm not quite sure why, but it was fun nonetheless. In the end, we were escorted out by a ranger of sorts. He was a moron. He got mad at Chris for moving a door. He reminded us with a smirk, "You shouldn't touch what doesn't belong to you." I thought about jumping off of his grass, apologizing for touching it, and then assuring him that I would learn to fly so that I'd never have to touch his precious trappings again. I didn't, though.
Okay, I'm sorry, but Chris and I would make an extremely hott couple, damnit.
In life, there are two possibilities for everything. You can do something, or you can do nothing. In most cases, doing something is recommended, but you must be aware that when you do something, you engage your interests in it, and there is a chance of failure and hurt. If what you were working towards fails, you'll have two more possibilities. You can either let it go, or you can keep fighting and do your best to regain what life there once was. The trick is knowing when you should fight, and when you should just give up.
I'm not very good at letting things go. Especially after I've allowed my heart to be involved. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad characteristic.
I just stumbled upon this song as I was searching through the music on my computer... This is part of Say Yes by Elliot Smith.
It's always been wait and see
A happy day and then you pay
And feel like shit the morning after
But now I feel changed around
And instead of falling down
I'm standing up the morning after
Situations get fucked up
And turned around sooner or later
And I could be another fool
Or an exception to the rule
You tell me the morning after
Crooked spin can't come to rest
I'm damaged bad at best
He'll decide what he wants
I'll probably be the last to know
No one says until it shows
See how it is
They want you or they don't
Say yes
I like finding songs that fit my current situations. This one is hopeful, and yet wistful at the same time. I just wish I had more hopefulness than wistfulness right now...
You're awesome for reading this.
I, along with my dear Chris, Myriah, and Brandon, went to Fort Macon for the early evening. It wasn't nearly as interesting as it usually is, and I'm not quite sure why, but it was fun nonetheless. In the end, we were escorted out by a ranger of sorts. He was a moron. He got mad at Chris for moving a door. He reminded us with a smirk, "You shouldn't touch what doesn't belong to you." I thought about jumping off of his grass, apologizing for touching it, and then assuring him that I would learn to fly so that I'd never have to touch his precious trappings again. I didn't, though.
Okay, I'm sorry, but Chris and I would make an extremely hott couple, damnit.
In life, there are two possibilities for everything. You can do something, or you can do nothing. In most cases, doing something is recommended, but you must be aware that when you do something, you engage your interests in it, and there is a chance of failure and hurt. If what you were working towards fails, you'll have two more possibilities. You can either let it go, or you can keep fighting and do your best to regain what life there once was. The trick is knowing when you should fight, and when you should just give up.
I'm not very good at letting things go. Especially after I've allowed my heart to be involved. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad characteristic.
I just stumbled upon this song as I was searching through the music on my computer... This is part of Say Yes by Elliot Smith.
It's always been wait and see
A happy day and then you pay
And feel like shit the morning after
But now I feel changed around
And instead of falling down
I'm standing up the morning after
Situations get fucked up
And turned around sooner or later
And I could be another fool
Or an exception to the rule
You tell me the morning after
Crooked spin can't come to rest
I'm damaged bad at best
He'll decide what he wants
I'll probably be the last to know
No one says until it shows
See how it is
They want you or they don't
Say yes
I like finding songs that fit my current situations. This one is hopeful, and yet wistful at the same time. I just wish I had more hopefulness than wistfulness right now...
You're awesome for reading this.
January 01, 2005
I Have Nothing To Offer
So... Here I am updating again. And for what? I dunno.
Remember Y2K? Good times.
I'm listening to the Smashing Pumpkins, who just so happen to be one of my favorite bands of all time, and I'm drinking faux champagne. How hott is that? SP and bubbly white grape juice. This is good.
Tonight was rather uneventful. Other than welcoming in a new year, that is. My mom wasn't feeling well, so my dad and I had tortilla chips with refried beans, salsa (medium spicy, restaurant style salsa, mind you), sour cream, and my super wonderful guacamole, and we sat around watching the Twilight Zone marathon for about four hours. The ball came down, glasses were touched, and a new year began.
Once again, there was no one to kiss. Next year? I'll be eighteen. Maybe I'll have a bit of a chance by then.
Resolutions? So this is the new year and I have no resolutions. It's self-assigned penance for problems with easy solutions. It's true. I have no resolutions.
Yeah. I'm tired. This is all the rambling I'm going to do for today. Happy 2005.
Remember Y2K? Good times.
I'm listening to the Smashing Pumpkins, who just so happen to be one of my favorite bands of all time, and I'm drinking faux champagne. How hott is that? SP and bubbly white grape juice. This is good.
Tonight was rather uneventful. Other than welcoming in a new year, that is. My mom wasn't feeling well, so my dad and I had tortilla chips with refried beans, salsa (medium spicy, restaurant style salsa, mind you), sour cream, and my super wonderful guacamole, and we sat around watching the Twilight Zone marathon for about four hours. The ball came down, glasses were touched, and a new year began.
Once again, there was no one to kiss. Next year? I'll be eighteen. Maybe I'll have a bit of a chance by then.
Resolutions? So this is the new year and I have no resolutions. It's self-assigned penance for problems with easy solutions. It's true. I have no resolutions.
Yeah. I'm tired. This is all the rambling I'm going to do for today. Happy 2005.
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