Damn. I love my work.
Today was a hectic mess. Hot Topic at Halloween is something to behold. It's hott.
I bought a belt, cd, button, and a pair of earrings for under $7.35. The whole clearance rack was an additional 50% off, and then I had my employee discount of 40% off... So, yeah. Happy day.
I saw Selina today! I haven't seen her in such a very, very long time. Since the beginning of January, I think. She's so cool. I really should find more friends like her. Maybe if I tried super hard, I could find one or two... Maybe.
Word of the day: hott. Why? Dunno.
I am HOTT.
And I'm tired and hungry, and I wanted Taco Bell, but I didn't get any while I was out. So. I don't know. Something. And then something else.
Okay. Well, I just felt like updating this with something other than a rant, song, or poem. That's it.
October 30, 2004
Darkness
I had a dream, which was not all a dream.
The bright sun was extinguished, and the stars
Did wander darkling in the eternal space,
Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth
Swung blind and blackening in the moonless air;
Morn came and went—and came, and brought no day,
And men forgot their passions in the dread
Of this their desolation; and all hearts
Were chilled into a selfish prayer for light:
And they did live by watchfires—and the thrones,
The palaces of crowned kings—the huts,
The habitations of all things which dwell,
Were burnt for beacons; cities were consumed,
And men were gathered round their blazing homes
To look once more into each other's face;
Happy were those who dwelt within the eye
Of the volcanos, and their mountain-torch:
A fearful hope was all the world contained;
Forests were set on fire—but hour by hour
They fell and faded—and the crackling trunks
Extinguished with a crash—and all was black.
The brows of men by the despairing light
Wore an unearthly aspect, as by fits
The flashes fell upon them; some lay down
And hid their eyes and wept; and some did rest
Their chins upon their clenched hands, and smiled;
And others hurried to and fro, and fed
Their funeral piles with fuel, and looked up
With mad disquietude on the dull sky,
The pall of a past world; and then again
With curses cast them down upon the dust,
And gunshot their teeth and howled: the wild birds shrieked
And, terrified, did flutter on the ground,
And flap their useless wings; the wildest brutes
Came tame and tremulous; and vipers crawled
And twined themselves among the multitude,
Hissing, but stingless—they were slain for food
And War, which for a moment was no more,
Did glut himself again:—a meal was bought
With blood, and each sate sullenly apart
Gorging himself in gloom: no love was left;
All earth was but one thought—and that was death
Immediate and inglorious; and the pang
Of famine fed upon all entrails—men
Died, and their bones were tombless as their flesh;
The meagre by the meagre were devoured,
Even dogs assailed their masters, all save one,
And he was faithful to a corse, and kept
The birds and beast and famished men at bay,
Till hunger clung them, or the dropping dead
Lured their lank jaws; himself sought out no food,
But with a piteous and perpetual moan,
And a quick desolate cry, licking the hand
Which answered not a caress—he died.
The crowd was famished by degrees; but two
Of an enormous city did survive,
And they were enemies: they met beside
The dying embers of an altar-place
Where had been heaped a mass of holy things
For an unholy usage; they raked up,
And shivering scraped with their cold skeleton hands
The feeble ashes, and their feeble breath
Blew for a little life, and made a flame
Which was a mockery; then they lifted up
Their eyes as it grew lighter, and beheld
Each others aspects—saw, and shrieked, and died—
Even of their mutual hideousness they died,
Unknowing who he was upon whose brow
Famine had written Fiend. The world was void,
The populous and the powerful was a lump
Seasonless, herbless, treeless, manless, lifeless,
A lump of death—a chaos of hard clay.
The rivers, lakes, and oceans all stood still,
And nothing stirred within their silent depths;
Ships sailorless lay rotting on the sea,
And their masts fell down piecemeal: as they dropped
They slept on the abyss without a surge—
The waves were dead; the tides were in their grave,
The moon, their mistress, had expired before;
The winds were withered in the stagnant air,
And the clouds perished; Darkness had no need
Of air from them—She was the Universe.
~Lord Byron
The bright sun was extinguished, and the stars
Did wander darkling in the eternal space,
Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth
Swung blind and blackening in the moonless air;
Morn came and went—and came, and brought no day,
And men forgot their passions in the dread
Of this their desolation; and all hearts
Were chilled into a selfish prayer for light:
And they did live by watchfires—and the thrones,
The palaces of crowned kings—the huts,
The habitations of all things which dwell,
Were burnt for beacons; cities were consumed,
And men were gathered round their blazing homes
To look once more into each other's face;
Happy were those who dwelt within the eye
Of the volcanos, and their mountain-torch:
A fearful hope was all the world contained;
Forests were set on fire—but hour by hour
They fell and faded—and the crackling trunks
Extinguished with a crash—and all was black.
The brows of men by the despairing light
Wore an unearthly aspect, as by fits
The flashes fell upon them; some lay down
And hid their eyes and wept; and some did rest
Their chins upon their clenched hands, and smiled;
And others hurried to and fro, and fed
Their funeral piles with fuel, and looked up
With mad disquietude on the dull sky,
The pall of a past world; and then again
With curses cast them down upon the dust,
And gunshot their teeth and howled: the wild birds shrieked
And, terrified, did flutter on the ground,
And flap their useless wings; the wildest brutes
Came tame and tremulous; and vipers crawled
And twined themselves among the multitude,
Hissing, but stingless—they were slain for food
And War, which for a moment was no more,
Did glut himself again:—a meal was bought
With blood, and each sate sullenly apart
Gorging himself in gloom: no love was left;
All earth was but one thought—and that was death
Immediate and inglorious; and the pang
Of famine fed upon all entrails—men
Died, and their bones were tombless as their flesh;
The meagre by the meagre were devoured,
Even dogs assailed their masters, all save one,
And he was faithful to a corse, and kept
The birds and beast and famished men at bay,
Till hunger clung them, or the dropping dead
Lured their lank jaws; himself sought out no food,
But with a piteous and perpetual moan,
And a quick desolate cry, licking the hand
Which answered not a caress—he died.
The crowd was famished by degrees; but two
Of an enormous city did survive,
And they were enemies: they met beside
The dying embers of an altar-place
Where had been heaped a mass of holy things
For an unholy usage; they raked up,
And shivering scraped with their cold skeleton hands
The feeble ashes, and their feeble breath
Blew for a little life, and made a flame
Which was a mockery; then they lifted up
Their eyes as it grew lighter, and beheld
Each others aspects—saw, and shrieked, and died—
Even of their mutual hideousness they died,
Unknowing who he was upon whose brow
Famine had written Fiend. The world was void,
The populous and the powerful was a lump
Seasonless, herbless, treeless, manless, lifeless,
A lump of death—a chaos of hard clay.
The rivers, lakes, and oceans all stood still,
And nothing stirred within their silent depths;
Ships sailorless lay rotting on the sea,
And their masts fell down piecemeal: as they dropped
They slept on the abyss without a surge—
The waves were dead; the tides were in their grave,
The moon, their mistress, had expired before;
The winds were withered in the stagnant air,
And the clouds perished; Darkness had no need
Of air from them—She was the Universe.
~Lord Byron
October 29, 2004
Cupid De Locke
Cupid hath pulled back his sweetheart's bow
To cast divine arrows into her soul
To grab her attention swift and quick
Or morrow the marrow of her bones be thick
With turpentine kisses and mistaken blows
See the devil may do as the devil may care
He loves none sweeter as sweeter the dare
Her mouth the mischief he doth seek
Her heart the captive of which he speaks
So note all ye lovers in love with the sound
Your world be shattered with nary a note
Of one cupid's arrow under your coat
And in the land of star crossed lovers
And barren hearted wanderers
Forever lost in forsaken missives and satan's pull
We seek the unseekable and we speak the unspeakable
Our hopes dead gathering dust to dust
In faith, in compassion, and in love
To cast divine arrows into her soul
To grab her attention swift and quick
Or morrow the marrow of her bones be thick
With turpentine kisses and mistaken blows
See the devil may do as the devil may care
He loves none sweeter as sweeter the dare
Her mouth the mischief he doth seek
Her heart the captive of which he speaks
So note all ye lovers in love with the sound
Your world be shattered with nary a note
Of one cupid's arrow under your coat
And in the land of star crossed lovers
And barren hearted wanderers
Forever lost in forsaken missives and satan's pull
We seek the unseekable and we speak the unspeakable
Our hopes dead gathering dust to dust
In faith, in compassion, and in love
October 25, 2004
Live With Your Own Damn Grass
"The grass is always greener on the other side." I wish you would just live with your own damn grass instead of fertilizing it and trimming it past recognition, spray painting it green, or wishing you had someone else's lawn. Don't pretend it's pretty, but don't imagine that it's dead. Live with your own damn grass, and appreciate that you have grass period.
Sometimes people get so distracted by keeping their chin up that they don't totally see reality. They don't like to admit when they are down, when they don't think things are going well for them, or when life just isn't as beautiful as it used to be, so they ignore it instead and "look on the bright side". For one thing, they think it looks tough to appear happy all the time. For another, sometimes I think they're frightened by disappointment, depression, and sadness, so they pretend it isn't there. They pretend they're positive, upbeat, and cheerful. They put on a front to make themselves feel better.
I don't like it when people say things like "I can't complain" all the time. Especially when things clearly aren't going well. That is so fake. And then they condemn the people who are depressed or just melancholy for being lost in their sadness or not being peppy enough. People think that drowning yourself in your sorrow is such an awful thing... Well, it is, but drowning yourself in happiness is just as bad!
In life, there is good and there is bad. It is inevitable that you will deal with each at one point or another. Maybe you'll have more of one than of the other, but that's just the way it goes. You love the good, and you learn from the bad, and then you love the good that much more for having lived through the bad. If you ignore the bad, you corrupt the good and make it altogether meaningless.
If I had a choice between optimism and pessimism, I'd go with pessimism, but I'd greatly prefer realism, which is most definitely the hardest to attain.
If some of that didn't make sense, ponder the parts that did.
If you're happy right now, stay happy. If you're sad, stay sad. If you don't give a shit one way or another, then perhaps you should re-evaluate your outlook on life. Above all else, just be real.
Treasure those around you. You never know when they will be gone. You never know when you will be gone.
Don't dwell on the past, but don't forget about it. The past is the key to the future.
Love everyone that you can, but don't expect anything back.
Be nice to the kid in the corner who is all alone. They might turn into the best friend you'll ever have.
Never rely on your looks, abilities, or possessions for acceptance and love. You never know when those things will be gone, and all you'll be left with is your true self.
Love yourself. If you don't love yourself, well, damnit, who will?
Take time out of your day to breathe.
Occasionally look on the bright side, but be careful that you don't blind yourself to reality.
Give someone a hug sometime. It might do both of you good. (And it might get you arrested.)
Right. Well. Had to end that rambling somewhere. I suppose bringing in a touch of stupidity would be a great way to go out with a bang. I don't know how much of that I stole. I just started typing, and it took off from there. To the best of my knowledge, it's all good advice, though. If you take it, and it doesn't turn out for the best, tell me, and I'll edit the bad advice out of this post.
Thanks.
Sometimes people get so distracted by keeping their chin up that they don't totally see reality. They don't like to admit when they are down, when they don't think things are going well for them, or when life just isn't as beautiful as it used to be, so they ignore it instead and "look on the bright side". For one thing, they think it looks tough to appear happy all the time. For another, sometimes I think they're frightened by disappointment, depression, and sadness, so they pretend it isn't there. They pretend they're positive, upbeat, and cheerful. They put on a front to make themselves feel better.
I don't like it when people say things like "I can't complain" all the time. Especially when things clearly aren't going well. That is so fake. And then they condemn the people who are depressed or just melancholy for being lost in their sadness or not being peppy enough. People think that drowning yourself in your sorrow is such an awful thing... Well, it is, but drowning yourself in happiness is just as bad!
In life, there is good and there is bad. It is inevitable that you will deal with each at one point or another. Maybe you'll have more of one than of the other, but that's just the way it goes. You love the good, and you learn from the bad, and then you love the good that much more for having lived through the bad. If you ignore the bad, you corrupt the good and make it altogether meaningless.
If I had a choice between optimism and pessimism, I'd go with pessimism, but I'd greatly prefer realism, which is most definitely the hardest to attain.
If some of that didn't make sense, ponder the parts that did.
If you're happy right now, stay happy. If you're sad, stay sad. If you don't give a shit one way or another, then perhaps you should re-evaluate your outlook on life. Above all else, just be real.
Treasure those around you. You never know when they will be gone. You never know when you will be gone.
Don't dwell on the past, but don't forget about it. The past is the key to the future.
Love everyone that you can, but don't expect anything back.
Be nice to the kid in the corner who is all alone. They might turn into the best friend you'll ever have.
Never rely on your looks, abilities, or possessions for acceptance and love. You never know when those things will be gone, and all you'll be left with is your true self.
Love yourself. If you don't love yourself, well, damnit, who will?
Take time out of your day to breathe.
Occasionally look on the bright side, but be careful that you don't blind yourself to reality.
Give someone a hug sometime. It might do both of you good. (And it might get you arrested.)
Right. Well. Had to end that rambling somewhere. I suppose bringing in a touch of stupidity would be a great way to go out with a bang. I don't know how much of that I stole. I just started typing, and it took off from there. To the best of my knowledge, it's all good advice, though. If you take it, and it doesn't turn out for the best, tell me, and I'll edit the bad advice out of this post.
Thanks.
October 22, 2004
Folkways, Mores, and Laws
Alright. I was discussing society's mores when I came up with this little explanation/rant of sorts.
Be enlightened.
See, there are these norms, or rules which guide behavior. They're made up of folkways, mores, and laws. Folkways come from everyday life. Mores are morals (from religion) or obligations. Laws are, well, laws, which are written down and enforced by a group.
We are impacted by norms in that if we go against them, there will be consequences. For the folkways, the consequences generally aren't that serious. It'd be like not brushing your teeth or not showering. It'd be against the norms, but really the worst thing that's going to happen is that someone will bring it to your attention and it will be embarrassing. Laws, of course, are enforced by the higher group (ie, your employer, your parents, the government), so if you screw up there, you're going to be punished by either restriction of privileges, or by incarceration or something. Mores have the worst consequences, in my opinion. It's like a perverted justice type of thing. When you go against someone's morals or your obligations as a human being, not only are you going to be rebuked by your fellow man, but sometimes the government and/or higher authority will be involved as well.
So, yes. Society's mores are a terribly hard thing to go against, as they are changing so rapidly and definitely going downhill. It's becoming a norm to be a teenager and into drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. It's becoming a norm to be a teenager and not a virgin. It's becoming a norm to be a human and think that homosexuality and abortion are the right things to do or approve of. It's awful.
But... There are a lot of us who are going against it. Thankfully, at this point, the consequences aren't as high as they could be. We aren't being shunned for being straightedge or for thinking homosexuality is wrong. Not yet, we aren't. But who knows? Soon? Maybe.
Be enlightened.
See, there are these norms, or rules which guide behavior. They're made up of folkways, mores, and laws. Folkways come from everyday life. Mores are morals (from religion) or obligations. Laws are, well, laws, which are written down and enforced by a group.
We are impacted by norms in that if we go against them, there will be consequences. For the folkways, the consequences generally aren't that serious. It'd be like not brushing your teeth or not showering. It'd be against the norms, but really the worst thing that's going to happen is that someone will bring it to your attention and it will be embarrassing. Laws, of course, are enforced by the higher group (ie, your employer, your parents, the government), so if you screw up there, you're going to be punished by either restriction of privileges, or by incarceration or something. Mores have the worst consequences, in my opinion. It's like a perverted justice type of thing. When you go against someone's morals or your obligations as a human being, not only are you going to be rebuked by your fellow man, but sometimes the government and/or higher authority will be involved as well.
So, yes. Society's mores are a terribly hard thing to go against, as they are changing so rapidly and definitely going downhill. It's becoming a norm to be a teenager and into drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. It's becoming a norm to be a teenager and not a virgin. It's becoming a norm to be a human and think that homosexuality and abortion are the right things to do or approve of. It's awful.
But... There are a lot of us who are going against it. Thankfully, at this point, the consequences aren't as high as they could be. We aren't being shunned for being straightedge or for thinking homosexuality is wrong. Not yet, we aren't. But who knows? Soon? Maybe.
October 18, 2004
October 12, 2004
5 Dollars
So, for now it's guaranteed that I will always like you more
I'm always in this shirt and it's always just a little bit too small
I paid five dollars yesterday just to see you for a second
Someone's head was in my way again, like it always is
I guess you'll always be that boy who just won't notice I exist here
Cos this is such a small town, you did not see me standing right here
So, if I pass out when you walk by, it's probably cos you looked at me
Like I've already said too much...
--S.
I'm always in this shirt and it's always just a little bit too small
I paid five dollars yesterday just to see you for a second
Someone's head was in my way again, like it always is
I guess you'll always be that boy who just won't notice I exist here
Cos this is such a small town, you did not see me standing right here
So, if I pass out when you walk by, it's probably cos you looked at me
Like I've already said too much...
--S.
October 09, 2004
For Those Who Don't Belong...
"For everybody who thinks they were adopted into this race or doesn't feel they belong, feel free to message me."
Question: Have you ever met anyone who really felt they belonged, or were willing to admit that they fit in someplace? If so, what kind of person were they?
I know I haven't met many, if any at all... But maybe that's just me.
Question: Have you ever met anyone who really felt they belonged, or were willing to admit that they fit in someplace? If so, what kind of person were they?
I know I haven't met many, if any at all... But maybe that's just me.
October 04, 2004
No Lies, Just Love
It was in the March of the winter I turned seventeen
That I bought those pills
I thought I would need
And I wrote a letter to my family
Said it's not your fault
And you've been good to me
It's just lately I've been feeling
Like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon
And I've heard that music
Echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank
By herself
And I sat watching a flower
As it was withering
I was embarrassed by its honesty
So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That's taken its place
So please forgive what I have done
No you can't stay mad at the setting sun
Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep
But spring came bearing sunlight
Those persuasive rays
So I gave myself a few more days
My salvation it came, quite suddenly
When Justin spoke very plainly
He said "Of course it's your decision,
But just so you know,
If you decide to leave,
Soon I will follow"
I wrote this for a baby
Who has yet to be born
My brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
Cause it's cold out here
And it'll be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover loss
So I'd like to make some changes
Before you arrive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won't see no lies
Just love.
Just love.
I will be pure
No, no, I know I will be pure
Like snow, like gold
Like snow, like gold
Like snow, like snow
Like gold, like gold, like gold
-Bright Eyes
That I bought those pills
I thought I would need
And I wrote a letter to my family
Said it's not your fault
And you've been good to me
It's just lately I've been feeling
Like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon
And I've heard that music
Echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank
By herself
And I sat watching a flower
As it was withering
I was embarrassed by its honesty
So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That's taken its place
So please forgive what I have done
No you can't stay mad at the setting sun
Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep
But spring came bearing sunlight
Those persuasive rays
So I gave myself a few more days
My salvation it came, quite suddenly
When Justin spoke very plainly
He said "Of course it's your decision,
But just so you know,
If you decide to leave,
Soon I will follow"
I wrote this for a baby
Who has yet to be born
My brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
Cause it's cold out here
And it'll be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover loss
So I'd like to make some changes
Before you arrive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won't see no lies
Just love.
Just love.
I will be pure
No, no, I know I will be pure
Like snow, like gold
Like snow, like gold
Like snow, like snow
Like gold, like gold, like gold
-Bright Eyes
October 03, 2004
Skanking 101
Courtesy of Chyppe.
Step One: Bend Forward
Get that stiffness out of your spine, hang forward, but not too far, and get those arms and knees loose.
Step Two: Bend Knees and Elbows
Bend your elbows and clench your fists if you want to get that real rude attitude. Try to look more like you're getting ready to go sprinting rather than skiing.
Step Three: Claim Your Space
Get those feet shoulder-length apart, move one foot slightly forward, and take up as much of the dance floor as you can while you start your arms cranking back and forth. It might help if you pretend your shaking some maracas.
Step Four: Start Moving
Feel the beat. Get those arms swinging slightly and feel the bounce as you swing your hips. Move your weight from one foot to the other with each skank. Make sure you coordinate your arms and legs. If your right fist is moving forward, you should also be moving your right knee forward as you shift your weight. Then shift to the left.
Step Five: Skank to the Beat
Now start to vibe with some classic ska sounds. If you're doing a classic skank, your feet should not be moving too much. Rather, you should be bouncing with the upbeats and cranking those elbows. For added style, get a real cool expression and stare somewhere off in the upper corner of the room. Preferably with shades
Step One: Bend Forward
Get that stiffness out of your spine, hang forward, but not too far, and get those arms and knees loose.
Step Two: Bend Knees and Elbows
Bend your elbows and clench your fists if you want to get that real rude attitude. Try to look more like you're getting ready to go sprinting rather than skiing.
Step Three: Claim Your Space
Get those feet shoulder-length apart, move one foot slightly forward, and take up as much of the dance floor as you can while you start your arms cranking back and forth. It might help if you pretend your shaking some maracas.
Step Four: Start Moving
Feel the beat. Get those arms swinging slightly and feel the bounce as you swing your hips. Move your weight from one foot to the other with each skank. Make sure you coordinate your arms and legs. If your right fist is moving forward, you should also be moving your right knee forward as you shift your weight. Then shift to the left.
Step Five: Skank to the Beat
Now start to vibe with some classic ska sounds. If you're doing a classic skank, your feet should not be moving too much. Rather, you should be bouncing with the upbeats and cranking those elbows. For added style, get a real cool expression and stare somewhere off in the upper corner of the room. Preferably with shades
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