Dating on the Interwebz

So, today I almost contemplated eharmony. What can I say? I was bored and they've spent, I'm sure, more money than I'll make in my lifetime on their commercials...

Then I started thinking about what kind of guys I would be matched with. Marines, almost certainly. Marines and local hicks and surfers and single fathers. And, again, almost certainly, no bartenders, tattoo artists, real entrepreneurs, or... Emergency room doctors?

The fatal flaw: The boys I like wouldn't go through the trouble of talking about their emotions and dream dates on a website whose foundation was that of sad and lonely people hoping to make some connection with other sad and lonely people. Especially if it meant taking all of that time responding to bullshit questions with bullshit answers, only to be ogled by fat rednecks with way too much time on their hands.

So, eff you, eharmony. I'll be at the bar.

colorquiz.com

Your Existing Situation

Feeling stressed out due to her current situation and the demands which are placed on her. Working to release herself from all things that hold her back or tie her down.

Your Stress Sources

"Looking to stand out in the crowd and wanting to keep her rank and status. her current situation is irritating her because she can't seem to find anybody out there who values the same high standards she does. she is feeling isolated and wants to give in to her carnal urges, but can't bring herself to appear weak in the eyes of others. Wants others to see her unique qualities and character but can't stand to come off as needy, so instead she has an ""I don't care"" attitude and pushing people away. she turns her back on those who criticizes her behavior, but beneath her indifference is a person who is in desperate need of approval."

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Struggles to make her demands clear, but feels ignored. Feels resentful, but acts as if she doesn't care, doing what is necessary to keep peace."

"Seeking to broaden her horizons and believes her hopes and dreams are realistic. Worries she may not be able to do the things she wants and needs to escape to a peaceful, quiet environment in order to restore her confidence."

Your Desired Objective

"Wishes to live in a calm, peaceful, relaxing environment, where everyone gets along and there is a strong sense of belonging."

Your Actual Problem

Disappointed because her hopes have not come to pass and she fears coming up with new goals will only lead to further disappointment. These conflicting emotions lead to a feeling of anxiety and depression. she tries to escape into a peaceful and calm relationship which offers encouragement and protection from further disappointment.

Your Actual Problem #2

"Wants to be valued and respected, seeks a close and peaceful relationship with a shared respect of each other."

Me

Morgan's Existing Situation

Having difficulty in standing up to the demands imposed on her. Finds a great effort is involved and wishes to have the situation eased.


Morgan's Stress Sources

An existing situation is unsatisfactory but she feels unable to change it without cooperation; the need for understanding, for affectionate give-and-take remains unfulfilled. This not only depresses her but makes her irritable and impatient, producing restlessness and the urge to get away from the situation, either actually or, at least, mentally. Ability to concentrate may suffer.


Morgan's Restrained Characteristics

Insists that her goals are realistic and sticks obstinately to them, even though circumstances are forcing her to compromise. Very exacting in the standards she applies to her choice of a partner.


Morgan's Desired Objective

Wants to swipe aside the things that stand in her way, to follow her impulses, and be involved in special or exciting happenings. In this way she hopes to deaden the intensity of her conflicts, but her impulsive behavior leads her to take risks.


Morgan's Actual Problem

Anxiety and restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced stress. She tries to escape by intense activity, directed either towards personal success or towards variety of experience.


Morgan's Actual Problem #2

Wants to act freely and uninhibitedly, but is restrained by her need to have things on a rational, consistent, and clearly-defined basis.

Sometimes I think I don't exist.

Check this out.

Today has been rather uneventful. Mike took me out to dinner with Pete, Spears, Myriah, and a few other people. Mike was sick this past weekend, but it was refreshing to have some quality time with him. We talked a lot last night about the future and whatnot. It was good.

Some friends of ours seem to be calling their marriage a quits... That really sucks. Everyone keeps saying that they saw it coming, and that it was only a matter of time. I guess they were right. I mean, the pairing was a drama queen and an apathetic dude. It just didn't mix. The girl did the leaving... She's tried several times before. Now, the guy is saying that he's suicidal, but promised her that he wouldn't kill himself. I feel sorry for them both. I just don't get it.

Also, another friend of mine who was there for me when I really needed her is going through a rough relational period. I... Don't know what to say. Heartbreak is... Heartbreak. About a week ago, I made an entry about how so many people are falling in love and getting engaged... And now I'm mentioning all of these relationships that are falling apart. Love can be so strong, and yet so brittle...

And now I'm kind of depressed.

I don't know where my life is headed. I feel like I haven't really accomplished anything other than becoming who I am and finding someone as lovely as Michael... But being who I am is really nothing to brag about, and, as close to home and blantantly obvious as it has become lately, relationships don't always last forever, whether they're started with the best of intentions and the deepest love or not.

When I grow up, I want to be a rock. Metaphorically speaking, of course. I want to be someone who doesn't waver. Who has faith and peace and wisdom. I don't want to be boring and dusty, but I want to be someone that anyone can come to for sympathy, empathy, advice, and/or comfort. I want to be creative and intelligent. I want to have a husband who can love me and never be embarrassed of me. I want to be a rock.

I hate seeing these wives and mothers... In real life and in the media... Who are crazy, oblivious, ignorant, judgemental, rude, lazy, vain, snobbish, and/or pathetic. I sincerely hope I never become anything like that. Oh, I'm sure I'll have my moments, but, overall, I hope I become a rock.

So. I have quite a few webspaces now. I think I've used this one the most diligently. I still remember posting [my first entry]...

I also have [a xanga], but it's just not nearly as cool.

And then there's always [myspace].

Not to mention [my page of photos].

Maybe I'll get around to being introspective and interesting on here again someday soon.

Let's all hope.

Oceanographer's Choice

Well, a guy in a skeleton costume
comes up to the guy in the superman suit;
runs through him with a broadsword.
I click the television off,
bring all the bright lights up,
turn the radio up loud.
I don't know why I'm so persuaded
that if I think things through
long enough and hard enough
I'll somehow get to you.

Then you came in and you locked eyes.
You kicked the ashtray over as we came toward each other.
Stubbed my cigarette out against the westwall,
quickly lit another.

Look at that, would you look at that?
We're throwing off sparks.
What will I do when I don't have you
to hold onto in the dark?

Yes, everybody's going to need a witness.
Everybody's gonna need a little back up
in case the scene gets nasty.
You throw the attic window open
and I throw myself all around you.
And night comes to Tallahassee.
I don't know why it's gotten harder
to keep myself away...
I thought I'd finally beat the feeling, but
it all came back today.

Then we fell down and we locked arms.
We knocked the dresser over as we rolled across the floor.
I don't mean it when I tell you
that I don't love you anymore.

Look at that, would you look at that?
The way the ceiling starts to swerve...
What will I do when I don't have you,
when I finally get what I deserve?

The New Year

So this is the new year
And I don't feel any different
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self-assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogues bleed into one

I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then I could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that can hold us back.

Blah

Just decided to change things up a bit... No real reason. I think most people have forgotten about The Imploding Voice. Oh well. No real loss.

I think it's time to go home now.

Thank you. Goodnight.